Weirdness, cars, and mysteries.

What the hell?!? I just got an email from one of my instructors, asking if I, in fact, have the prerequisites for the class in which I am currently enrolled. Now normally, I wouldn't take offense, but it wasn't addressed to anyone else--just me. His salutation contains my name. What's up with this? I just replied and affirmed that I have had them, but now I'm wondering what this is all about. Ok, so call me paranoid. I mean, it's not normal to ask that; it's a closed class; there are only ten enrolled, and it's "closed" in the sense that you aren't able to enroll without the prerequisites, so...??? Oh, well. I guess I'll find out in class tomorrow morning.

Work went ok today--both of them. I confess that I ducked out early on the second one, but that's ok, because I was the only one there. And I needed to get my oil changed, like really, really badly. The guy at the place where I go knows me by now--I'm the girl who comes in dutifully every 5 - 6,000 miles for an oil change, whether the car needs it or not. :-) Well, lookit--those are expensive, and I _do_ augment the oil sludge in-between changes with Marvel Mystery Oil and stuff. It's not like I'm totally neglectful. My car loves me, and thinks I treat it just fine. It told me so. Well...it hasn't complained. :-) This rationale is lost on Scott The Mechanic, however, who favors a by-the-book interpretation of the rules. And in this way, Chirrin, we have an illustration of the difference between the executive and the judicial branches of car maintenance.

I started a new mystery book yesterday, and I'm just about through with it. It's not a bad one, and that's good, because it's probably the last one I'll be able to fit in for a month or two. This is in spite of the fact that I read everywhere--at traffic lights, while I'm walking, in elevators, while Scott The Mechanic is kvetching--you name it. I discovered a few years ago that I like mysteries, cozies specifically. I never thought I liked mysteries, then I moved into a new apartment, and that evening the cable was out, my crap was everywhere, I was exhausted, and so I ended up watching a static-filled made-for-TV movie called Murder At The PTA Luncheon. I just thought it was cool. So I bought the book, and all the other books by that same author at my favorite used bookstore that has cats in it--really, they have three cats there and they are so sweet, but that's a description for another time--and then started getting antsy because there weren't any more. So I started reading other authors that were similar, and before I knew it, I was hooked. :-) They have subsections of mysteries for every possible interest--the ones that are dedicated to food aficionados, pet lovers, lesbians, former nuns, ladies that don't consider car upkeep a dire enough issue to merit throwing wrenches--you name it, it's a series. I once found a website that listed a bunch of mystery authors and genres in a way such that you could find an author you liked, and they recommended similar authors--majorly cool. :-) Although Valerie Wolzien is probably always going to be my favorite, I especially liked the Southern Sisters series, and even cried when I finished reading the last one after their author, Anne George, died. Stupid, I know, but it made me sad.

Sigh...why do I mention it, or ramble on? I don't know. Just because.

Freaky and Spooky :-)

Ok...like I said, freaky & spooky...all the aforementioned formatting weirdness went back to normal. Go figure. Maybe the formatting fixed itself because it felt sorry for me. :-) Well, it could happen.

Today I guess didn't suck too badly. It was a kind of rainy day, and those are nice! And I had my first meeting of the (sort-of) math class I am taking this term. I say sort-of math, because it's actually a special topics math, but I don't want to go all into the explanation, because it's frankly boring. At least the way it's being taught. This is the second in a series that I've had with this professor, and It'll probably suck. He's probably a nice person, but he just isn't a good teacher. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just that someone can have all the expertise in the world and not be able to convey it to another person, and that's this guy. But the good part of this is that there was a very cute guy in the class in Spring, and it looks like he's going to stay with our group for the series, because he was in there today. :-) I've never actually talked to him for like, a long time, just two superficial conversations at the most, but he's cute. I just like looking at him. I've seen a lot of the back of his head, since I sit in the back, and it's a cute head, but I like his eyes; they're warm and friendly; he seems nice, I just can't think of any reason to talk to him, or anything. Geez. Ok, so I'm an idiot.

I try not to think too much about whether I think a guy is cute or not anymore. I know that is probably close to the stupidest thing ever said, but it's true. That way, I don't say dumb stuff, and I don't get all sad when they are gay, committed, married, or all three. :-) And it's actually easy to do after a while; you just forget to notice most of the time.

I can't wait until autumn kicks in...I am looking forward to (sorta) my birthday, and Halloween, and winter. "Sorta" my birthday, because I don't really celebrate it; I don't see the point, there's no one else who sees the point, and there's always other things to do. I try to do something special somewhere around that day that's just for me, and I usually manage to somewhere in the vicinity of the right day. Like last year, I decided I would take a few hours and go for a drive to this small town a few miles away, because I'd never seen it. When I got there, they had this cute little town square thing, and it had a hardware store there. I'm not exactly a hardware store kind of girl, but it wasn't like a normal hardware store; they had other things. Well, I ended up buying a present for myself! It's this super-wonderful incense burner that's shaped like a little log cabin, and came with pine-scented incense cones that really smell very pine-y. And it was only $4-ish. So yay! :-) I am working and have class on my birthday this year, but I will try to do something like that again this year, and I hope it turns out as well!

Shpeaking of shpooky, it would be very cool if this Halloween I could get a pumpkin and carve it, but I'd probably mess it all up and waste the money, and I'll probably be too busy by then, anyway. I would love also to make this winter stew I saw on (I think) the Food Network a year or so ago; you serve it in the gourd from which it was made, which I think is very cool. I think I would have been happy in a big family that has a large Halloween party and Thanksgiving and Christmas; I was just thinking about that yesterday when I stopped to get notebooks and stuff for class (not like I procrastinate, huh?); I stopped in JoAnn Fabrics, and they had all their Halloween and Thanksgiving stuff 40% off, not that I could afford it even then, but anyway, they had this really cool metal turkey candleholder that would be the greatest centerpiece ever with some extra decorations, and back in their fabrics, they had this beautiful patchwork-style fabric in all autumn colors that would make such a gorgeous tablecloth, or even a runner, and it would be so easy to put a decorative trim on the ends! If I'd had the money, my cat and I would have enjoyed it muchly this holiday season! :-) I wish I had the time to make some things like that, but since I don't have the time _or_ money, I guess it's not a big deal.

I still have some Christmas ornaments I made from fabric a while back; I liked them a lot, but the person I made them for didn't like them. They were a bunch of bows, all in Christmassy plaids, with white backings to accent the plaid. I had had to make them quickly, because I didn't have much advance warning, just a comment about how that particular Christmas was going to be so awful because of having no tree, no family, etc., that I thought I should try to do something about it. I made them all in two nights, while I was working (thank god I don't work overnights anymore!), made a braided ribbon garland too, and then got a tree. It went over like a lead balloon. I don't think the ribbons looked tacky; I think they looked pretty, and would look even better with other decorations, but I think the tree itself looked pretty enough. I'm not very religious, but I like the holiday, and someday I will put up a tree and use the bows, and I will get other pre-made decorations to go with it, and maybe make some more of my own, too. I don't think that's necessarily tacky; just because I am just as happy--or more--with something I made myself I don't think makes me tacky, it just means that I spend a lot less at Department 56 than other girls. :-)

Yes, I am pathetic, and look forward to the holidays so much each year, and they're usually not all that great in actuality, plus I'm not very religious, and am actually a skeptic, though not an "angry atheist" at all. I know; I'm stupid. I'm an optimistic pessimistic optimist! And I've got my fingers crossed for this season...oh, wait; I don't believe in superstitions, either...!

Just saying hi.

I've been very busy with work and now school has started back. I hope this term goes well, that I don't have to run around putting out the most immediate fire all the time, that I can get organized...sigh. It won't happen. I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but there are just some things that will never happen. I feel like I will never have time to myself, like I will never be able to get a full night's sleep, I will never get to do anything that I want to do just for me, just for fun. Ok, I'm whining again. But this comes after several weeks' worth of break where all I did was work; I'm still behind in one job, because two of the other people I work with decided to just flake out--one was there but not working, and the other just left (attendance isn't mandatory, but we have due dates for things that aren't negotiable). My other job is in a state of permanent confusion; we're changing owners, and everyone is quitting, getting fired, written up, you name it. This second job I hate. I dread going there; I can't wait to leave. It is, in the words of that stupidass Fish! book, a toxic-energy waste dump, or however they put it. This is the job I do in what would otherwise be "free time". I could sleep in, listen to A Prairie Home Companion, catch up on my reading if I quit, and have more time to study and write this dumb idea for a book I have. But I would also have less money. A lot less. As in I-probably-wouldn't-make-it less. If I didn't have to pay and "lend" so much out, things would be ok, but that's not the case. And probably won't ever be. So oh, well.

I am really tired, but I guess I just had to vent. I'd better go to sleep so I can get up early and go back to that second-job hellhole, then I have class, then I go to my other job, then I go home and do it all over again the next day. Why I bother to write, I don't even know; I have to be the most boring person in the world.

I am so stupid.

In trying to play with this blog, I somehow reformatted it. Now all the stuff that should be on the upper right-hand side is down in the lower right-hand side, and I am too stupid to figure out what I did. I even changed templates, hoping it would go back to normal, and it won't. Oh, well. I am sure that, as with so many other things in my life, in a few weeks I'll have it figured out, and be embarrassed by my abject stupitude. I am a moron.

On the other hand, I kind of like this template...it reminds me of the view outside my bedroom window when it's raining. Well, the top banner part does. Ok, so I'm stupid--I said that already. Never has there been anything dumber than me. Fine.

If anyone ever reads this, I apologise. I wish I weren't so freaking retarded, also. Not that there was anything in the upper right-hand corner worth reading, but whatever. At this rate, I'll have the whole site crashed by morning. I should go to sleep now before I destroy anything else.

A Mom's Advice

A girl I work with today mentioned to me that her mother always told her that, in any relationship, only one person is the one that is really in love. She said her mother always warned her not to let that one person be her. That sounds like excellent advice. I wish my mother had made me think like that, too. Not that it helped my work-friend; she's madly in love. But still...

This is living...

I have never been less motivated to go to work. I'm sleepy still, it's going to be a beautiful, rainy day, and I'm going to miss Garrison Keillor for the millionth time. Ok, so I'm all about me. So freaking what? I wish I could call in sick. I can't, but I wish I could. Or quit. :-) Ok, so now I'm really smiling. Geez...I feel like I could sleep for a week. I want to get dressed, wander over to Build-A-Bear, make a big-ass polar bear, bring it home and sleep, listen to A Prairie Home Companion, and read all day. I'd even read to the polar bear. And then go to M.T. Bear Company and get some cute outfits for him, because they have a cute plaid thingy I've been wanting to get. And maybe another furry friend. Sigh...I'm dreaming. Ok, ok--I'll go get dressed. Sigh. Grumble.

She's back (yay)!

Ok, so I survived the trip. It actually was nice, for the most part. Well, sort-of. The flight there I mostly slept through, since I brought Xanax. It's not that I don't like flying; I love flying. It's the crashing I don't like. Not that I've ever crashed, but geez...we humans are capable of vicarious learning, right? Well, that's what I've done--vicariously learned that I don't like crashing. The airline people were...special. I mean, there were some nice people, or at least ones that were just doing their jobs and no more, and I'm fine with that, but I ran into two SERIOUSLY grumpy-ass people that were like on a mission to make everyone miserable. I think people like that take it out on me because I'm quiet(er) than others, or because I try to be nice, or because I'm alone, or maybe because I look like I'll put up with it, or understand, or something. Which I guess I do, if you think about it. The first one had just gotten fussed at by a guy and his wife, and so for some reason it was my fault by the time I got up there. Well, I mean, there was a problem with tickets, and I do really understand, I just don't know why it always has to be me, you know?

During the trip, I did get pretty lonely a few times, but that's not a big deal. A lot of people talked to me, and they were very nice. It was very pretty overall, and I think I got a lot of nice pictures. If I ever do get married, or have a boyfriend, that's one of the places I would like to travel to; it would be more fun with company, I think. It would be nice to have someone to laugh with when funny things happen, which they did a few times. Well, on the other hand, one of the funny things was that I had to eat a Ramen noodle soup with only chopsticks and one of those big spoons, and well, let's just say that I don't have a talent for it. :-) That maybe wasn't a moment I should want to share. I figured that I could tell someone that rival Japanese gangs had a food fight in the restaurant and I got caught in the crossfire, but no one asked why I was wearing Ramen noodle soup as I slunk back to my hotel. I am such an idiot. :-) But it was very beautiful away from the tourist-y part, and I do wish I could have shared that with someone.

I have this stupid kind-of mental list of things I want to do if I ever have someone again, and I got to add a bunch to that, so that's really depressing and pathetic. :-) I mean stuff other than sex. I have an entirely separate list for sex-stuff. I figure I should make multiple lists kind of out of respect for him, whomever he is, because _everything_ doesn't have to be about sex. So there's companionship stuff, and friendship stuff, and emotional stuff, and no one really cares, or ever will, besides me, so I'll shut up.

While I was gone, my mother took it upon herself to remodel one of my bathrooms. Why? Because she got bored and didn't have anything left of her own to have remodelled. No, really. That, and because she's freaking weird. But so am I, I guess. It could suck worse. There are now a bunch of shelves that I can smack my head on when I forget they're there, I have a new sink, new toilet, new smelly potpourri thing a-fuming away in there, and new towel racks, and a bunch of other stuff. Did I mention that I liked my bathroom just fine? Teach me to give people access to my place. I am mainly only grumpy about it because of the aforementioned head-smacking thing (I'm like a foot taller than she is, almost), and the fact that when I got home, all I wanted to do was go to the bathroom, shower, and brush my teeth, and I got to do none of those, since she had all my stuff moved out of the bathroom, and the grout in the shower wasn't dried. I guess I got home early. That, or she got the idea a day or so after I left, and didn't get around to getting anyone to do anything until a few days before I got back. Sigh.

My son-friend is still out of a job, but what's new? His girlfriend and her daughter moved in with him, so I hope things will get better. They are total dingbats, and can't manage money or his health problems, but I will have to think about that stuff later, because I am still tired from the trip; it was too much of a time change. I gave him $140, which was all that I could spare, and that was enough; I mean, he's still alive, he had gas and food and stuff, so it couldn't have been too little. I am trying to relax right now and playing online poker. :-) I have built up a small empire and am ready for the Final Table, Baby! :-)

I have also promised myself that, now that I am back, I will start writing again. I started one book, and I think it was pretty good, but then I started feeling like I was just being stupid and wasting time, and so I stopped. But the truth is, I really enjoyed it, just doing the writing. I guess that's one of the benefits of not having anyone to talk to. :-) And I wrote that while thinking, "with whom to speak"...lol! I maybe *am* getting better and less picky. ;-)