The Reviewer's Dilemma

Note to self--don't ever, ever take another class where you have to review others' work. If you've never done it, don't. If you have, you know what I'm talking about. You're in a position where, true, your submission may have sucked (at least mildly), but everyone else's did, too. And, the ones reviewing you aren't going to be kind to you. So, you think, why should you be to them? But then you think how nice it would be if we could all just get along, as it were, and maybe they're being nice to you, so why not be nice to them? It's like the Prisoner's Dilemma for refereed research. :-) On the other hand, if you let something slide that really, truly sucks, your instructor will notice and call you on it. And, hoo-buddy, some of these suck. I'd love to detail a few, but I'm too petrified that some Google search by one of the authors on their "pet project" would turn this up. And that's not to say that some of them aren't good--they are. Ummm...but not all of them. Yeesh.

Even my blog hates me...

My last post never showed. Weird. My son-friend is having $600-worth of oral surgery, and another $1,600 is going to be needed in a few weeks. Where am I supposed to come up with this money from? I don't understand why...why this always happens to me, why he can't save, why...

Ok. I'm pissed.

...and fruit flies like a banana

Ok...it's been a long time since I posted; I suck. This has, beyond any doubt, been the worst month of like, the past five years. I literally haven't had the time to stop for a moment. So what has this earned me? Well, in my godawful mathstuff class, I have a high B or low A right now. So that's good. But I ended up with a well-deserved migraine today that made me literally *have* to stop for about two hours. I was doing ok until someone else came into the office and turned on the lights (I'd had them off; there was already too much light coming in from the window and monitor). Then it really skyrocketed to where I couldn't think. I'm not a Drama Queen; I rarely call in sick, or even get sick. And maybe I should have stopped a while before, or taken the weekend off, or something, but when I was a child, I remember getting yelled at and stuff for being sick, and I feel guilty now because of that. I feel like I am being indulgent and lazy, or something; that's the best way I can describe it.

So I went to another office that's not used much to work there, or rest, or something, but a work-friend (the younger guy I'd mentioned) was there. He wanted me to stay, but he had the lights on, the hallway was bright, I couldn't think, so I said something--I'm not sure what--and left. I went up to the 4th floor bathroom that's not used much and has a chaise longue. I stayed there for about two hours with a damp folded up paper towel over my eyes, 'cos the damn bathroom has no light switches. When I got up, I felt sort of better. I got up because my cell phone wouldn't stop ringing; six people called me during those two hours. Each time I looked and it wasn't a life-or-death thing, judging by the caller, so after the first call, I'd put it on silent and just looked at it when it buzzed to see if it was potentially a life-or-death thing. Ok...so I suck. I'm a bad person, a bad worker, and a bad friend. At least that's how I feel.

When I could get back down to my car, I took an Axert (I don't care what anyone says; Axert works, and Imitrex doesn't, and I'd love to spray paint that on the side of my health insurance company's building--their "preferred" prescription is Imitrex and so I have to pay double for Axert, which means I can only afford to refill it every four to six months), and so now I am feeling mostly better.

I know I sound whiny. And I know I sound like "the sick girl, " or "the girl who has to have exceptions for everything," but I'm really not. I try to not be like that, and it really annoys me when people do act like that. So I go out of my way to not act like that.

So that's what's been up with me. Coming up in my life is a huge final paper in one class (plus "peer evaluations" of classmates' huge final papers), the Final From Hell in the mathstuffs class, a couple of presentations in my last "easy-ish" class (I hate those, but they're like, a necessary and relatively lesser Evil). And I have to play catch-up over winter break, so there's no winter break. Sigh. I've changed my mind--I wanna be a shepherd. I think shepherds get winter break. In fact, I'm fairly certain of it.

disgusting, and an update!

Augh; in my haste in posting last, I maybe didn't put enough emphasis on how totally disgusting I think it is to get with people that are younger than you, at least if they are significantly younger. So no, I'm not "dating" anyone younger; we kind of work together, and he's funny and very intelligent, and we've done some stuff like getting coffee together and all a few times. I would not even classify this as a crush, he's like someone who could be my brother (were my brother not an absolute asshole, but we'll not go there). I mean, there's a lot that happens in a four or five year period of time; people change a lot, and that's a huge hurdle to get over, plus it's like child molestation, or something, and it's gross. Not that I'm slightly opinionated on this subject, or anything. So I didn't mean to imply anything gross, and I don't think it's wrong to have vague thoughts of "if I were a few years younger, I'd be chasing your butt all over town". It's just if you *act* on that that it's wrong. Well, it *is* wrong if you're like, in your 20's or 30's, and the butt you want to chase is like, sixteen. That's disgusting beyond words, and in need of more therapy than you can shake a stick at, but I'm not talking about that sort of thing when I'm talking about this guy. It's a friendship thing only, and truth is, I'm not looking, and I'm not interested. So there.

And I know I'm being a hypocrite, but it seems to me to be a bigger problem if it's an older girl and younger guy; I'm in agrees with those that think that it's less gross, and even normal if the guy is older. Though we're not talking twenty years' worth of difference...that's back into weird, with few exceptions. I mean, look at Anna Nicole, fer chrissakes. That's like freak show weird. But I was once very in love with a guy who was ten years older than me, and I don't think that's weird. And if a guy is like a year or two younger than a girl, that's not too weird--it's just when you get into it being like four, five years that it starts to be a little gross, and that's where I'm at with this guy, so the idea of dating is a little "eew". The idea of being friends is cool, but *dating* definitely rates an "eew".

I need to be writing a paper due tomorrow right now, and I'm not. I am so burnt out it's unreal. I am so over this whole term...

So far this holiday season, I've done nothing fun. I've *wanted* to do stuff, but can't justify the time expenditure. So there's nothing new, and I'm typing for basically no reason. As if there ever had been a reason...ha, ha. I feel like I'm just hanging in there until the Christmas break. That's a sucky way to feel, really. Things would be nicer if passing time weren't something endured, but enjoyed. Sigh...I've been reading The Writer's Almanac too often recently. :-) Does it show?

Thanks for the coolness, Kate!

I found this link while playing online when I should be working:

http://www.kate.net/funstuff/calendars.html

This is *wonderful*!! The October ones are gorgeous!

Ok, so anyway, since I'm here...

I am swamped. Drowning. So far, this Christmas season sucks. But, on the other hand, there are sort of good things; Number One Good Thing is that I am not failing that god-awful math class. Nopers, I just got my midterm back a few days ago, and I have a solid B. Considering that this class is one in which I aspire to mediocrity, I can live with a B. Well, ok...other than that, there's not much else that's good per se. Everything else is just liveable. Well, another good thing is that I have gotten to hang out a few times with someone I work with who is a great and very funny guy. Too bad he's younger than I am. Sigh. Oh, well--it's the best I can do as far as male company goes at this point.

Speaking of male company, want the living definition of pathetic? When you go for a Pap, and your Gyn tells you you need to get a "social life". Who on earth ever has been so pitiable as to have that happen? Ummm...right here--Ancodia. Yeppers, I went for my yearly, and actually got a sit-down talk after about do I get depressed, am I looking for a boy/girl friend, and don't I think I need a more fulfilling social life, because I am a "beautiful, bubbly girl with a wonderful personality [Ed. Note: I am?] who seems to be rejecting...[Ed. Note: here, to me, it kinda trailed off into that Charlie Brown's Teacher's "Wop Wop Woo" kind of talk, but it took the general direction of why am I not on birth control and sleeping with someone, fer chrissake?]". I told him everyone gets depressed, and anyone who says they don't is a liar, which he conceded, and I tried to explain that I would have a hard time fitting anyone into my life right now. I was tempted to tell him that from a distance, men are ok, but up close and once they get used to you, they tend to be major jerks, plus the fact that I seem to have been born without the ability to have an orgasm fairly seem to be putting the "social life" thing on a *far* back burner, but I didn't. My bet is he would have said that not all men are like that (and he's right; only the ones that are interested in me are like that), and as far as orgasms go, try harder. Or something else equally helpful that essentially amounts to my not putting enough torque behind it, or something. :-P So I left with a promise to think about getting a "social life". The temptation coming from my Inner Satirist to stop on the way home, buy a vibrator, and tick that one off my "to-do" list was almost overwhelming. True, it involved shopping, but I just wasn't up to it then, because Paps make you all scratchy and crampy, and my breasts were starting to hurt from the breast exam. Being a girl sucks.

ok, ok...so I lied. I'm *not* going to think seriously about getting a "social life", as it were. But what was I supposed to say to him?

Ok...back to writing this dumb paper that's due on Thursday and I won't have finished. Auuuugh!

Jingle bells, jingle bells!!!

It’s the Christmas (or Holiday) Season. Right now. As of September 21st. Remember that I’d promised this explanation? Ok—here it is: it’s the Holiday Season from September 21st to February 13th every year because I said it is. Why did I say it is? Because I wanted to. What gives me the authority to determine when the holiday season starts and stops? By virtue of the fact that I am me. Don’t be thick about it.

My rationale for doing this is as follows: Like it matters.

A more in-depth rationale for doing this: It’s all a big holiday anyway, the original holidays don’t mean much anymore, and so I figured that I would just start the holiday season on my birthday. So I tried that out for a year, and then I felt guilty about leaving my Mom out, so I decided to start the holiday season one day earlier, on her birthday. It encompasses her birthday, my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, the largest shopping day of the year, Hanukkah, Festivus, Christmas, Newtonmas, Kwanzaa, New Years’, and the whole holiday denouement up to Valentine’s Day, among other holidays. That way, after New Years’ Day, you don’t have to get all depressed because it’s all over, because it isn’t over for another month! You can still enjoy the snow and cold and stuff. I can’t see why no one had thought of this before. Brings new meaning to the holiday greeting, “Merry Xmas, for infinitely large values of X”! :-)

So happy holidays!

And, my holidays don’t discriminate, so you can celebrate them in any way you wish, no matter what religion (or lack of) you are. You can even change religions halfway through—I don’t care. And, since I’m a Reverend in the Universal Life Church, I can condone that sort of thing. Or even encourage it. :-D So that’s why we are in the Holiday season right this very second.

kiss kiss, barf barf.

I haven't forgotten to post, I've not had the time! Right now, I'm listening to the "Halloween" station on my ISP's radio thingy (ok, like it's hard to guess that it's AOHell) while I try to finish some homework that's due tomorrow that I don't know bupkis about. Sigh. Icky-yucky-stinky-stupid factor analysis. The Grim Grinning Ghosts song from Disney's Haunted Mansion is playing...it's cool! :-) I love this season so much, too bad it has to get all sucked up by all this school stuff and everything.

My car's ok, and I haven't had the chance to check the lottery numbers yet! Auk!

I had better get to work--I have to finish this PAF/PCA schtuff, and then read over some stuff and fake-up a presentation really fast, and then read two articles and come up with these busywork "thought questions" that are required for my Thursday class. Doublesigh. It's hard to get motivated...I'm sleepy, damnit.

My son-friend has an interview for a relatively good job tomorrow. He says he's going to tell them he has "absence seizures". I tried to reason with him, and suggest that he at least phrase it in terms they'll understand, like saying he has epilepsy, but he wants to do it his way. I say if he does it that way, he's not going to get the job. Sigh again. He really needs the insurance so he can get his medication adjusted so he will stop having seizures, so I don't see why such a big deal has to be made of it. Maybe that's dishonest of me, but whatever. No one is ever going to go out of their way to help you in this world; I've at least learned that much.

I did get to talk to that cute guy in my Mathstuff class today; too bad I looked like hell. But he was nice, like he always is. God, he's so cute! So that was a nice thing. And so is my new car. :-) So some things are very good.

Ok... I'm getting to work now. Phooey. And yay, Christmas and Halloween! :-) When I post next, I'll explain why we're in the Christmas season right now--as of Sept. 21st, to be exact.