I am still worried about my employment, but I have calmed down. And I received a letter about the recalled pet food settlement (finally!), and it looks like I will be getting back at least some of what I spent on Romeo. So...I'm okay.
And Meg's hair looks nice.
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wish me luck.
Tomorrow I find out about a Summer position that I desperately need. Wish me luck, hmm?
Today SUCKED.
On the speed-of-light commute between Job 2 and Eviljob, I stopped and bought a bottle of Kefir because I hadn't eaten anything yet.
Then I proceeded to throw it all over myself and my car as I was shaking it. No, seriously. I got to drink only about a quarter of the bottle, and had to race to Eviljob with poorly-cleaned kefir all over. Then I got out late from Eviljob, and stopped by to see This Guy. I ended up staying later than I'd wanted, and didn't want to pick anything up on the way home cos I don't need to be spending the money, and I needed to get my blouse in the wash, and the cats would get into anything I brought while I was getting a shower anyway. And I have literally nothing here to eat, because I suck at planning, and I am totally destitute. I'm fucking *starving*. This sucks.
Then Meg phones and is all like, 'I have a hair appointment tomorrow; want to come?' Um, no, I have no money and a job interview-thing, so I'll just pin my looking-like-shit hair up and hope circumstance and personality pull me through, Stylegoddess. Why don't you do something useful and order a pizza and send it over?
No one gives a damn about me, and even I sometimes have trouble mustering up a shit to give. Whatever. Let's just hope I get this job. Sigh.
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
Today SUCKED.
On the speed-of-light commute between Job 2 and Eviljob, I stopped and bought a bottle of Kefir because I hadn't eaten anything yet.
Then I proceeded to throw it all over myself and my car as I was shaking it. No, seriously. I got to drink only about a quarter of the bottle, and had to race to Eviljob with poorly-cleaned kefir all over. Then I got out late from Eviljob, and stopped by to see This Guy. I ended up staying later than I'd wanted, and didn't want to pick anything up on the way home cos I don't need to be spending the money, and I needed to get my blouse in the wash, and the cats would get into anything I brought while I was getting a shower anyway. And I have literally nothing here to eat, because I suck at planning, and I am totally destitute. I'm fucking *starving*. This sucks.
Then Meg phones and is all like, 'I have a hair appointment tomorrow; want to come?' Um, no, I have no money and a job interview-thing, so I'll just pin my looking-like-shit hair up and hope circumstance and personality pull me through, Stylegoddess. Why don't you do something useful and order a pizza and send it over?
No one gives a damn about me, and even I sometimes have trouble mustering up a shit to give. Whatever. Let's just hope I get this job. Sigh.
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
More fun than...get that stick out of my face!
I am having a relatively good week. One of my many managers is pulling his typical MIA shite, but he's got one foot out the door anyway, so I won't let it frustrate me any longer; I'm stuck on a project, so I will just work around him...again.
This Guy (I may rename him Zaphod) is being okay. He has largely been letting me be to work, and he gave me a Caro Emerald CD that I've been desperately wanting, but couldn't work into the budget, seeing as how I may be tap-dancing for Summer employment. More on that later. But TG has been better-ish. He's still self-absorbed a lot of the time, and I HATE how I feel as if I'm not being listened to, and I HATE how I feel that he doesn't care enough to get to know me. But I've had a hard time over the past couple weeks, and he flat-out asked me what he could do to help, so I told him he could leave me alone and give me that CD, and he did. I hate asking for things, it's not like me, but apparently if I don't demand, he won't do; this is the first 'real' present I've gotten. But I won't waste my time complaining.
At least not now. Later.
I had thought I'd been okay with the speutering at Eviljob, but one of my cats turned up for dinner full of what will be more Easter Squooshables, so...shit, fuck, damn, piss, hell. It never ends. Guess what I'll be doing in a few months? Sigh.
I had dinner with some coworkers last night (I know...I just got done telling you I'd not been spending time with TG, but whatever; I'm a shitty girlfriend, and he's a non-stellar boyfriend. We're made for each other), and considering all that I am going through at Job 1, I couldn't help but be a little jealous. I basically got shunted into a less-than-productive work group (sure, my own complacence played a role there), and so hearing about how wonderful everyone else is when I am wallowing in my own mediocrity was..meh. I'm happy for them, but hey; I can be truthful here, right? Okay; so I has a jelis. :-/
I should be working, but I am taking the morning off because I am simply tired. With the ton of deadlines I have had over the past couple weeks, I had to teach unprepared yesterday. I did a kick-ass job (solely because I know the subject matter like the back of my hand and can ramble on and add Fun Facts at will), but it was a tiring lecture followed by margaritas and envy. So I'll get back on the work horse in a few hours.
All the emotional upheaval in my world has caused my 'new' cat -- Mummers' cat, Sweetie -- to start having behavioural issues. She's taken to peeing everywhere *but* the damned litter box, and it's driving me crazy. I know she is acting out, but I wish she had picked something more tolerable, like alcoholism or cutting. Grr. I have had to throw every pair of shoes I own into the washing machine, and it seems like all I do anymore is clean up cat piss and wash my feet. This just started a few months ago, and hopefully it will end soon. I've tried fussing, potching her on the butt, setting her in the litter box...and she just keeps peeing on my stuff. I know she's upset, I know she misses Mom, I know she hates when humans aren't around, and I leave too much and for too long. She's scared and sad, but this is going to have to end. I just have to figure out how to get her to stop.
I also have to quit smoking. More on that later...more on everything later (promise), 'cos I really just want to spend an hour or two lying here in bed and staring at the wall in a bleak depression over the failure that is my life.
No, seriously.
So I schedule my nervous breakdowns. So fucking what?
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
This Guy (I may rename him Zaphod) is being okay. He has largely been letting me be to work, and he gave me a Caro Emerald CD that I've been desperately wanting, but couldn't work into the budget, seeing as how I may be tap-dancing for Summer employment. More on that later. But TG has been better-ish. He's still self-absorbed a lot of the time, and I HATE how I feel as if I'm not being listened to, and I HATE how I feel that he doesn't care enough to get to know me. But I've had a hard time over the past couple weeks, and he flat-out asked me what he could do to help, so I told him he could leave me alone and give me that CD, and he did. I hate asking for things, it's not like me, but apparently if I don't demand, he won't do; this is the first 'real' present I've gotten. But I won't waste my time complaining.
At least not now. Later.
I had thought I'd been okay with the speutering at Eviljob, but one of my cats turned up for dinner full of what will be more Easter Squooshables, so...shit, fuck, damn, piss, hell. It never ends. Guess what I'll be doing in a few months? Sigh.
I had dinner with some coworkers last night (I know...I just got done telling you I'd not been spending time with TG, but whatever; I'm a shitty girlfriend, and he's a non-stellar boyfriend. We're made for each other), and considering all that I am going through at Job 1, I couldn't help but be a little jealous. I basically got shunted into a less-than-productive work group (sure, my own complacence played a role there), and so hearing about how wonderful everyone else is when I am wallowing in my own mediocrity was..meh. I'm happy for them, but hey; I can be truthful here, right? Okay; so I has a jelis. :-/
I should be working, but I am taking the morning off because I am simply tired. With the ton of deadlines I have had over the past couple weeks, I had to teach unprepared yesterday. I did a kick-ass job (solely because I know the subject matter like the back of my hand and can ramble on and add Fun Facts at will), but it was a tiring lecture followed by margaritas and envy. So I'll get back on the work horse in a few hours.
All the emotional upheaval in my world has caused my 'new' cat -- Mummers' cat, Sweetie -- to start having behavioural issues. She's taken to peeing everywhere *but* the damned litter box, and it's driving me crazy. I know she is acting out, but I wish she had picked something more tolerable, like alcoholism or cutting. Grr. I have had to throw every pair of shoes I own into the washing machine, and it seems like all I do anymore is clean up cat piss and wash my feet. This just started a few months ago, and hopefully it will end soon. I've tried fussing, potching her on the butt, setting her in the litter box...and she just keeps peeing on my stuff. I know she's upset, I know she misses Mom, I know she hates when humans aren't around, and I leave too much and for too long. She's scared and sad, but this is going to have to end. I just have to figure out how to get her to stop.
I also have to quit smoking. More on that later...more on everything later (promise), 'cos I really just want to spend an hour or two lying here in bed and staring at the wall in a bleak depression over the failure that is my life.
No, seriously.
So I schedule my nervous breakdowns. So fucking what?
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday
I cannot believe what happened...it was good. Everything isn't okay, but...some things are. Our Assistant Director had suggested that I draw up a timeline, etc., and when I tried, I was met with a lot of...well, hatred. Well, ha, ha. Now it is mandatory. Along with some other things. Yesterday wore me out emotionally, but I think I won. Or we won. Well, Right prevailed, let's put it that way.
And I am exhausted. Maybe I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or something. Anymore, dealing with my advisor does that to me. But...for the moment, things are okay. I can only hope Certain People are interested in retaining their positions and continue to cooperate.
As always, I get emotional, and I get the sniffles. So I've got a mild rhinovirus going on.
TG is alternating between love and hate in my book. He has a lot that must change, and we are going to have The Talk -- the one that involves getting help or getting lost.
I am going to try to sleep for another hour before I go to work. Blecch. The bad news is that I'm stuck, employment-wise, until December. Maybe. I'm working on it.
Oh, and I'm crampy. Love you all. Things will get better, I will get the life I want.
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
And I am exhausted. Maybe I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or something. Anymore, dealing with my advisor does that to me. But...for the moment, things are okay. I can only hope Certain People are interested in retaining their positions and continue to cooperate.
As always, I get emotional, and I get the sniffles. So I've got a mild rhinovirus going on.
TG is alternating between love and hate in my book. He has a lot that must change, and we are going to have The Talk -- the one that involves getting help or getting lost.
I am going to try to sleep for another hour before I go to work. Blecch. The bad news is that I'm stuck, employment-wise, until December. Maybe. I'm working on it.
Oh, and I'm crampy. Love you all. Things will get better, I will get the life I want.
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
Friday, March 25, 2011
On my last nerve.
I have to get to sleep, but I am royally pissed off. I was packing and did a before-bed email check to find that a coworker is trying to start some shit.
I am sick of this. I simply *must* remove myself from this drama. I cannot take any more of the craziness and drama, drama, drama. I HATE drama! Why can all these crazy sons of bitches not grasp that life is totally batshit enough without help? Things break; people steal; plans fail; people die. Who has such a boring life that they have to *invent* more crap?
I just find it exhausting. And in this one instance, my first impulse was to be completely immature and just say, "fuck you; I quit", only I cannot afford to. But something has to change. I just want *one* job that pays the bills and provides some autonomy, so that I can elect to not deal with crazy people. Am I so terrible for hating drama queens? I don't know why that pushes my buttons like it does, but drama queens and people who deny reality really send me into fits. And I mean the crazy kind of reality denial, like the person who rages at you about something, then two days later insists that never occurred, instead of just saying that they were having a bad day, or something believable.
Where do these people come from?
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
I am sick of this. I simply *must* remove myself from this drama. I cannot take any more of the craziness and drama, drama, drama. I HATE drama! Why can all these crazy sons of bitches not grasp that life is totally batshit enough without help? Things break; people steal; plans fail; people die. Who has such a boring life that they have to *invent* more crap?
I just find it exhausting. And in this one instance, my first impulse was to be completely immature and just say, "fuck you; I quit", only I cannot afford to. But something has to change. I just want *one* job that pays the bills and provides some autonomy, so that I can elect to not deal with crazy people. Am I so terrible for hating drama queens? I don't know why that pushes my buttons like it does, but drama queens and people who deny reality really send me into fits. And I mean the crazy kind of reality denial, like the person who rages at you about something, then two days later insists that never occurred, instead of just saying that they were having a bad day, or something believable.
Where do these people come from?
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Still Alive
Sweetie is sleeping at my feet. She's a nice cat; Mummers really found a good, sweet cat. She kisses, follows me, forgives instantly (Mom would say, 'what choice does she have?'), and always comes immediately when called. Butler is like that, too -- just a nice person. Sweetie and Butler kind if co-exist; they haven't really bonded with each other, but I think that is because both of them are so human-focussed. Squoosh, Cookie, and Weebie are more focussed on being a cat.
Butsoanyway.
I am behind in everything. Everything. And I am so stressed out that I feel as if, once I'm done moving and have my dissertation turned in, I could just go on a three-day drunk, or swallow a handful of pills and sleep for a week.
No, that's not threatening self-injurious behaviour; don't be an asshat. I'm expressing *exhaustion*. I'm tired.
Plus, no one would take care of my cats; they need a mom. Especially Sweetie and Butler. When I'm gone, Butler is like a puppy -- sad and lonely, and waiting by the door. Sweetie, however, goes into a panic when no human is around. It actually causes her fear and distress. I know it is from being alone for the first year of her life in that car lot, with no food, dirty, contaminated water, and predators all around (plus having the worst case of worms I have ever heard of), but I don't know how to fix it other than being consistent in providing food and shelter. I can't stay home all the time.
Now I have to get some sleep...I have to teach tomorrow, and I really have to get more written. G'night.
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
Butsoanyway.
I am behind in everything. Everything. And I am so stressed out that I feel as if, once I'm done moving and have my dissertation turned in, I could just go on a three-day drunk, or swallow a handful of pills and sleep for a week.
No, that's not threatening self-injurious behaviour; don't be an asshat. I'm expressing *exhaustion*. I'm tired.
Plus, no one would take care of my cats; they need a mom. Especially Sweetie and Butler. When I'm gone, Butler is like a puppy -- sad and lonely, and waiting by the door. Sweetie, however, goes into a panic when no human is around. It actually causes her fear and distress. I know it is from being alone for the first year of her life in that car lot, with no food, dirty, contaminated water, and predators all around (plus having the worst case of worms I have ever heard of), but I don't know how to fix it other than being consistent in providing food and shelter. I can't stay home all the time.
Now I have to get some sleep...I have to teach tomorrow, and I really have to get more written. G'night.
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Okay.
I am, I mean. Somehow, everything will be. I am not looking forward to living through the rest of the in-between part, but I have some ridiculous faith that the other side will be okay. :-/
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O
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