ohmigodomigodomigod

I am working from home, trying to throw a project together at the last second (one week 'til death, kids), and I see this commercial for the Slap Chop. The host reminds me of a squirrel on meth, and his 'you're going to love my nuts' line even made Squooshable's mouth fall open. Holy freaking shit:

-=Update=-



(spoken like Velveeta from Idiocracy) I just found this remix, and it's even more better!

omgwtfbbq

Teacher Cuts Class To Turn Tricks

...apparently the economy *is* that bad.  

A Really Incomplete Education

Okay...I had to change quite a bit, but...this really had me laughing; one of Meg's co-worker Sabra's graduate students forwarded this to Sabra, who in turn passed it on to me (among others).  I had to work hard to keep all the original typos and stuff in it.  Hee.  And no, of course Professor R did not send this to the student.

Dear Student,

While I appreciate your blatant incoherence for its entertainment value, I do have one concern regarding your academic situation:  Are you simultaneously enrolled in prep English I?  If not, may I recommend an instructor?

Yours in amazement,
Professor Radebaugh

p.s.: I do have a tomato stain on a white long sleeved dress shirt, but I do not know if you consider that to be a “problem.” Please advise. 

>>> “Douglas Radebaugh” Radebaud@xxx.edu

Names and email addresses have been erased to protect the identity of this poor soul.

 _____

Hello Professor Ray,

I am notify you on my unappearance in your first week of beginning alegebra 12:00 p.m-2:15 p.m. MW classes for mth002. I had to sign up on your class before all other classes were taken before. I was unable to make it because of housisng situations. I wanted to notify you that I will be appearing here on out to your class startin next class appearance.Is there any assignmets that I may have not have gotton due to my absence would you please let me know? If you could you please reply back at me about any concerns or the problems that you might have.

thank you.

Student.

Another Victim of the Media Drive-By

G'mornin'.

After reading this last night, I pull up my 'puter and see my news for this morning, and I realise that this article about the election does not even begin to cover what my mother (and her friends) will tell you is 'the *real* story'.  I haven't had the time to list off her kooky ideas (and actually try to not talk with her about them, because she's nuts), but...they're there.  For example, without getting into names, one of them killed a gay guy, and the other one had a 5.5 year-long secret meeting with Pol Pot (or whomever) to work out World Domination.  

I guess plans like that take a long time.  

I think we can thank a combination of cable news channels, radio talk shows, and old ladies misinterpreting most everything they hear, and then further misremembering what it was they had misinterpreted.  

My mother, the conspiracy theorist.  Sigh.  

Kill me now before it gets worse.

Not that I bring up this movie a lot, but...remember Idiocracy? Well, I got this from Betty a little bit ago:



(continues from Betty's email)

Okay, so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Wal-Mart Employee: 'Lo 'dis Walmarts bakree, how n'I help ya?'

Customer: 'I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

Wal-Mart Employee: 'What you wan onna cake?'

Customer: "'Best Wishes Suzanne', and underneath that 'We will miss you'".