And...

I am scared.


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More mommystuffs

Mom had dialysis today, and I am so tired that I could die. She had some sudden decline, I don't know why yet. If I find out it is DKA, I am burning the fucking hospital to the ground. I am atheist, so I won't ask for prayers, but please think good thoughts of her. She isn't a bad woman...as if that matters. :-/


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Adventures in Dialysis...

Mom's STILL in hospital. Tonight she gets dialysis for the first time. We're hoping it will clear up her confusion, 'cos it's bad. She is asleep now, but rouses to mumble incoherencies and then go back to sleep. I swear, if I had known this was what Romeo was going through, not knowing where he was half the time, I would have let him go sooner. I have made so many mistakes in my life, but they have been out of love, and that is really the worst kind of all.

I was a little upset when Betty responded to my telling her that Mummers was getting dialysis by asking me how much more am I going to put her through -- that maybe she is ready to go -- and I am trying to remember that Betty does so much Hospice care that it may be hard to think outside of that box. Betty's a damn good nurse, and I know she isn't that...defeatest, or whatever.

Feels bad, man.

Mummers is still in hospital. A lot has happened, but one of them is that mom went psychotic. She has two bad infections, cdiff and enterococcus, and the e. faecalis can turn into a meningitis, and basically this is what they think happened, I think.

On top of all this, I am ABD, semester starts this week, and I cannot get a hold of my advisor. But the good news is that I am on the verge of creating a really nice spread for a wrap I make by cooking down in olive oil to near mush shallots and garlic cloves, then adding a little creamy horseradish. Yum.

Oh, and my back hurts and I need to be held and no one gives a fuck. I have had to battle l'hôpital of course, but right now I have to go get ready to melt...or mould...snowflakes' minds. I keep forgetting. XD

I want to take a looooong vacation. And I have been trying so hard to help this boy, and sometimes he seems so self-centred, I just don't know.

Oh, and: I want to take Butler II and keep him. :( he loves me.


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