Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Still ok

I have to possibly see the creep who assaulted me tomorrow. I waited too long to file a police report, according to the attorney. So at least I still have a restraining order/order of protection. That is civil, it can't be taken away. But...yeah. I am an idiot. I should have done so much differently. Right now, I want to change my look, change my name, and leave.

I wonder if there is something about some people that they broadcast that says 'victim here!'. I think there is. I think I have it.

More later.

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Sunday, March 17, 2013

I grow old, I grow old.

Met, against doctor's instructions, with my father and step-famille yesterday and had a good discussion, the first since my lay-up that has required thought.

I worry what I will do when I am too old and alone to have a good conversation with anyone. I mean, it's coming. Sometimes it seems nearer than others, like today.

I don't know. I maybe need to take up drugs so that I am at least numbed.

- Posted using Speak-n-Blog from my Fisher-Price Chatter Pull Telephone

Friday, March 15, 2013

A, you're a dopey gal.

I am still alive. Scarred -- literally -- for life and still supposed to be keeping my pelvic area as still as possible, but alive. This world and me, it seems, were simply not made for each other; there is a lot of hurt, hate, and shitty people in it. But...still I live. So that's nice.

I have been watching a lot of Columbo.

Some day, when I feel like putting any thought on it, I am going to have to figure out why some people get weird when they do. Like how they act normal to lure one in and then release the batshit crazy when they think it is safe.

I am also, in-between crying jags, medicating myself to stop having crying jags jags, sleeping jags, sleeplessness jags, and wondering if those pharmacy labels that say things like "may cause drowsiness" are just a lot of wishful thinking on the part of the pharmacist jags, applying for jobs.

Maybe I will apply to be a pharmacy label printer. I would make them like fortune cookie fortunes: Do not operate heavy machinery over the happy bird-song still carried on the wind. 56, 18, 03, 28, 11, 30.

I think my labels would be more popular.

- Posted using Speak-n-Blog from my Fisher-Price Chatter Pull Telephone