Friday

I cannot believe what happened...it was good. Everything isn't okay, but...some things are. Our Assistant Director had suggested that I draw up a timeline, etc., and when I tried, I was met with a lot of...well, hatred. Well, ha, ha. Now it is mandatory. Along with some other things. Yesterday wore me out emotionally, but I think I won. Or we won. Well, Right prevailed, let's put it that way.

And I am exhausted. Maybe I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or something. Anymore, dealing with my advisor does that to me. But...for the moment, things are okay. I can only hope Certain People are interested in retaining their positions and continue to cooperate.

As always, I get emotional, and I get the sniffles. So I've got a mild rhinovirus going on.

TG is alternating between love and hate in my book. He has a lot that must change, and we are going to have The Talk -- the one that involves getting help or getting lost.

I am going to try to sleep for another hour before I go to work. Blecch. The bad news is that I'm stuck, employment-wise, until December. Maybe. I'm working on it.

Oh, and I'm crampy. Love you all. Things will get better, I will get the life I want.


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On my last nerve.

I have to get to sleep, but I am royally pissed off. I was packing and did a before-bed email check to find that a coworker is trying to start some shit.

I am sick of this. I simply *must* remove myself from this drama. I cannot take any more of the craziness and drama, drama, drama. I HATE drama! Why can all these crazy sons of bitches not grasp that life is totally batshit enough without help? Things break; people steal; plans fail; people die. Who has such a boring life that they have to *invent* more crap?

I just find it exhausting. And in this one instance, my first impulse was to be completely immature and just say, "fuck you; I quit", only I cannot afford to. But something has to change. I just want *one* job that pays the bills and provides some autonomy, so that I can elect to not deal with crazy people. Am I so terrible for hating drama queens? I don't know why that pushes my buttons like it does, but drama queens and people who deny reality really send me into fits. And I mean the crazy kind of reality denial, like the person who rages at you about something, then two days later insists that never occurred, instead of just saying that they were having a bad day, or something believable.

Where do these people come from?





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Still Alive

Sweetie is sleeping at my feet. She's a nice cat; Mummers really found a good, sweet cat. She kisses, follows me, forgives instantly (Mom would say, 'what choice does she have?'), and always comes immediately when called. Butler is like that, too -- just a nice person. Sweetie and Butler kind if co-exist; they haven't really bonded with each other, but I think that is because both of them are so human-focussed. Squoosh, Cookie, and Weebie are more focussed on being a cat.

Butsoanyway.

I am behind in everything. Everything. And I am so stressed out that I feel as if, once I'm done moving and have my dissertation turned in, I could just go on a three-day drunk, or swallow a handful of pills and sleep for a week.

No, that's not threatening self-injurious behaviour; don't be an asshat. I'm expressing *exhaustion*. I'm tired.

Plus, no one would take care of my cats; they need a mom. Especially Sweetie and Butler. When I'm gone, Butler is like a puppy -- sad and lonely, and waiting by the door. Sweetie, however, goes into a panic when no human is around. It actually causes her fear and distress. I know it is from being alone for the first year of her life in that car lot, with no food, dirty, contaminated water, and predators all around (plus having the worst case of worms I have ever heard of), but I don't know how to fix it other than being consistent in providing food and shelter. I can't stay home all the time.

Now I have to get some sleep...I have to teach tomorrow, and I really have to get more written. G'night.


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Okay.

I am, I mean. Somehow, everything will be. I am not looking forward to living through the rest of the in-between part, but I have some ridiculous faith that the other side will be okay. :-/


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