From the Air

Good evening.

This is your Captain.
We are about to attempt a crash landing.
Please extinuish all cigarettes.
Place your tray tables in their upright, locked position.

Your Captain says: Put your head on your knees.
Your Captain says: Put your head on your hands.
Captain says: Put your hands on your head.
Put your hands on your hips.

Heh heh.

This is your Captain.
We are going down.
We are all going down, together.

And I said: Uh oh. This is gonna be some day.

Standby.

This is the time.
And this is the record of the time.
This is the time.
And this is the record of the time.

Uh, this is your Captain again.
You know, I've got a funny feeling I've seen this all before.

Why?
'cause I'm a caveman.

Why?
'cause I've got eyes in the back of my head.

Why?
It's the heat.

Standby.

This is the time.
And this is the record of the time.
This is the time.
And this is the record of the time.

Put your hands over your eyes.

Jump out of the plane.

There is no pilot.

You are not alone.

Standby.

This is the time.
And this is the record of the time.
This is the time.
And this is the record of the time.


I have to get on this blog and change the deelybobs on it. I will, swear.

Ok, to sort-of start catching up:

I am engaged in a life-or-death job hunt struggle. Wish me luck.

I was assaulted a few months ago by a total creep. I am not completely ok yet, but I will be.

I miss my mother.

I am having a hard time staying all compartmentalised, which is usually my only coping strategy. I had a meltdown at the beginning if January, but am better now.

All of my cats are ok.

I am struggling with depression and feelings of guilt and worthlessness. Sorry. Just being honest.

I have realised that there is quite a bit I need to change about me. I am working on this. Much of it has to do with having firm, healthy boundaries, and making certain no-one who crosses them remains in my life. I have been reading and listening to a lot about narcissism, sociopathy, and psychopathy to try to make sense of some people.

When I meet with my father and he starts on one of his rants about Mummers, I just want to verbally destroy him, a trait I picked up from him and try my best to quash. I don't go off on him. He is too old. The person who he used to be is gone, as is the person I used to be. There is no purpose served in hurting him. I have to keep reminding myself of that. We will all grow old and die...ideally.

I've learnt a lot about how to ask for help in the past few months; I am not good at this, I never have been. People are more understanding of weaknesses, fears, and errors than I guess I think they are. I think that I do not expect forgiveness for my mistakes.

I love you. Goodnight--





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