I've got no choice

I have to take a trip.  On the one hand, I want to; on the other hand, I am worried.  What if the plane crashes?  What if something bad happens here while I am gone?  It has me very nervous.  I wish I could just forget about it, just know everything is fine, but I just can't.  How do people do it?  And I'm worried that I won't have brought proper clothes, or I will have forgotten something, or, as absolutely cornball as it sounds, that no one will like me or talk to me, or something.  And I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval system they've got at Heathrow.  :-)  Sorry.  Had to throw that in there.  But I am.  I am not as outgoing as I seem.  Or as brave.  Frankly, I suck.  And I'm sleepy.  And when given the opportunity, I've recently discovered that I whine a lot.  This is not a trait that I like.  But I can't help the fact that I am nervous.  I really am.  My Mom just got a check-up and they said her health is fine.  She's had health problems in the past, serious ones.  But I worry that something will happen to her while I am gone, or will happen to me, and I won't be able to help her.  That really scares me.  My son-friend is back unemployed, and I worry that he won't have enough to eat or something...I will see if I have enough money to give him like $100 or something while I am gone.  I will be gone for five days, so that might not be enough.  I'll have to think about it when I am less tired, like tomorrow.  If I am careful and don't spend much on my trip, and just watch for the next few weeks until my tuition is due, I could do like $200 maybe.  I am very nervous about this trip...I hope it goes ok. 

     As much as I feel dread about leaving, it's probably hard to believe that I actually cherish the thought of "getting away".  To be on vacation or something somewhere, with everything at home taken care of, nothing to worry about...  Actually, I'd love to be snowed in at a motel for a few days.  Maybe with someone.  If he were easy to get along with (not as in agrees with me, but as in no yelling or hitting) and liked to talk.  And didn't mind being quiet sometimes, and letting me watch movies on TV.   :-)  I am so out of the loop movie-wise, it isn't even funny.  I mean like literally haven't been to a movie in forever.  And he would have to not make fun of me for wanting to watch movies on TV, and wouldn't object to holding me occasionally.   :-)  I know...I'm dreaming.   I guess I'll be back in a week, I hope.