What I get for being honest

...so I get home, and I have an email from an old high school (former) friend, who is a current acquaintance, if for no other reason than we have simply not seen each other in so long. Anyway, so this email is entitled, 'CHECK THIS OUT!', and includes a link...to what is apparently the website of yet another of our friends (the link being www.suzettebananasfoster.com, I quickly picked up that it was the website of our friend, Suzette Bananas-Foster; I am mentally swift like that).

And no, SB-F is not her real name, of course.  

Butsoanyway.

So I check out Suzette's website, and...it surely is her.  Or 'is she', I think.  She does appear to be a tad worse-for-wear, but she was a few years older than myself and others, too.  Anyhow, she has her hair dyed (good dye job -- it looks natural), and is looking all sunlight-y and breezy here on this...::gulp::...spiritual guidance site for motivated individuals and executives (that is a modified quote).  Good lord, Suzette Bananas-Foster is a spiritual-guide-y type, and is thanking Jeezy Creezy and angels and shit for choosing her to deliver their message, 'cos it's brought her several years' worth of 200k-plus income, and sent to her the lurve of her life, with whom she resides in this huge home...when she isn't holding rah-rah-lizardshit spiritbuilding conferences in Hawaii, Jamaica, Caifornia, and other places.  

I couldn't help it -- I phoned my friend (and really enraged her husband, whom I abhor), so she got back on IM with me for a round of 'this has to be a joke', 'no fucking way', and so forth, until my friend pointed me in the direction of Amazon, where Suzette has books, DVDs, and so on.  She has them on sale on her site, sure, but the whole site could be some fucked-up joke...I mean, *I* would pull a stunt like that just to screw with people if I had a ton of free time.  But no...the books are all real.  They have *reviews*.  By, like fifty people plus, who all think Suzette is the bees' knees and cannot wait to go back to another one of her retreats.    

Oh. My. God.

That DOES it.  That TOTALLY DOES IT!  Because...thing is, you'd have to know Suzette -- I mean *really* know her, as we do -- to grok this, but...

Heavens, it pains me to say this, but...

SHE'S FULL OF IT.  Angels, my ass.  There is NO WAY IN HELL she believes this shite, not any more than I would...which leads me to my point.  

Fuck this crap.  I mean seriously, fuck it.  I can spin this god nonsense better than the best of 'em (you should see what whacked-out branches I have on my fambly tree), but...what has being honest brought me?  If my current endeavours do not work miracles, I am writing a fakakteh god book and making some serious damn money.  I will write a self-help book and throw a a ton of Jeezy Creezy in there, and see if I don't.  

Bwahahaha...it would be really funny to totally plagiarise the stew out of Ragnar Redbeard and just make it all legitty RHP xtian. I wonder if there are any other sceptics like myself who do horrible, terrible things just because they are tired of killing themselves promoting reason and science and just want easy money?

Well, besides Suzette, I mean.  She was with me when we were all little druggie witchy small-peoples, and she was faking, and I was faking, and none of us believed any of it...at *all*, we just wanted attention.  Rilly -- like most 14 - 18 year olds.  But, unless a brick fell on her head, methinks she heard the call of the wild...loonie.  I believe *none* of this, and neither does the friend who emailed it to me after someone else who didn't believe it emailed it to *them*.  

Christ.  I need a drink.  Seriously -- I do not drink that much normally, but...I am going to have a glass of wine and calm the hell down.  

I totally could buy SOOOOO many cat beds for Squooshable!

I could even marry some thimble-brained xtian man and tell him that the angels said that *he* has to do all the cooking and cleaning.  No, srsly...it came to me in a dream, babe.  

Snort.

Ok...now for that glass of wine...