Breaking Out

Mom goes to rehab today. It turned out that the Case Management woman was batshit crazy -- the *hospital* arranges all of that stuff, not the pt. We had a lot of problems with that woman, and it came to a head on Monday, when she phoned Meg raging and threatening. While Meg was on with her, I phoned the Patient Advocate Liason (functions like an Ombudsman) and told her that if she didn't go down to Psychowoman's office and put her in a straitjacket, my next call was to my attorney.

She did, and we got a new CM on Monday.

So if you ever need the knowledge, and I sure hope you don't, your hospital arranges 100% of all 'lifeline' stuff like dialysis, including transportation. And I need a drink.

I would discuss how things are going with This Guy, but I have a lot of background to catch up on. I think I upset him last night when I told him I couldn't talk when I was trying to write, but I do not know if I care; he has a little dramatic streak which I abhor, and he already has a 'the one love of my life' person from ages ago, and she is much prettier than I am (if you like the Jamie Lee Curtis-kind of look). And true, she seems to be stupid, but...I don't compete. So I guess this will fade away in short order. I may come out and suggest he get back with her, even though it has been something like ten years since they were together. I am supposed to go over tonight, and I think I will then. It's just that if I am going to muck up my life with someone, I want to be special to them, and not end up being so alone. Barring that, I would rather be alone. I like being alone. And I hope someday I will be special to someone, but if not, I don't want to have to be the 'good enough' person. So this has all made me fairly sad. I am smart, funny, bold, I hardly ever cry in public, I fight and am very resourceful, and I am very strong. I am not pretty, but I am loyal, faithful, and trustworthy. I have a *slight* shopping problem, but there are worse things I could do. And he doesn't seem to want to talk about my ideas or anything. I just kind of feel like I am the 'she'll do' girl. I mean, I still am not okay with no birthday recognition at all when I had bought very nice presents for his birthday (and his son's), and then tonight he suggests I should buy his son a leather wallet (I understand that this is a 'bonding' opportunity, but it's inappropriate at this time, considering my recent ignoring), and wants to phone me at 12:30am when I am writing and chatting Sabra up (who did buy a birthday dinner for me, the sweetness) to discuss my getting faculty passes for our uni's game...for his son and himself.

Ummm...I like football, too. :-/

I just told him to text me to remind me and I was on the other line and had to go. He said that he was upset with me cos I didn't tell him that it was my birthday, and that he wanted to learn more about my likes and dislikes so that he knew me better and knows what to buy for me, but cannot be arsed to remember that I like gridiron and association football, which I have mentioned a thousand times. Or maybe he doesn't want me there, who knows. I have too much going on to worry about it, and I am going to have my wonderful holiday season alone, then. And it has been many moons since I actually had an 'official' boyfriend, and when this is over, it will be an even longer time. Like never again.

Because of all the expense with Mom, I am currently not doing so well financially, and I can't afford to go all over and go to movies and stuff, and when I do spend the money, right now I would rather be with Meg or friends who know me. At least most of them I trust.

And I think he has ADD or something. It's annoying, especially when I want to talk, or just be quiet. A lot of the time, he has to be the first to get his story out, and *then* it's my turn. Even if his turn is something funny online, or crap that happened at his work, and my turn was going to be about Mom, how I am (after six weeks) tired of fighting with the hospital, or something. Or that I am tired of eating salmon salad cos I stocked up on it at the warehouse store before I got so destitute. Sigh. It's just that it's never me being the important one. Or at least it doesn't feel that way. I do not care, honestly, if I am important to someone or not, but if you are telling someone they are your GF and that you love them, I don't get why after sex I am at Tchotchkes with Sabra at 2am for food and talk when if he's a BF, that's *his* job.

And I haven't had time in the past six weeks to deal with this. There are good things, and I am a very private person who is not ready to invite him completely into my life (doing that at this stage would be premature) but some things I get the feeling could be different with just a little introspective reflection on his part. I mean, do you think that I am going through enough to want to talk? I do. Enough that I am going to have a hard time being interested in a play-by-play of what happened at his job that day? I mean, I listen, sure, but it is hard to focus on trivial issues when I feel like the wolves are at my door. That's all. I can listen sometimes, but not every time. And I don't know I'd he really *is* interested in me as a person, and I understand that he seems to think that he is taking my mind off things, but...it's not working.

Ok...I have to get to work now. More later.

- Posted using SomeBlogApp that I don't know how to use. o_O