Jingle bells, jingle bells!!!

It’s the Christmas (or Holiday) Season. Right now. As of September 21st. Remember that I’d promised this explanation? Ok—here it is: it’s the Holiday Season from September 21st to February 13th every year because I said it is. Why did I say it is? Because I wanted to. What gives me the authority to determine when the holiday season starts and stops? By virtue of the fact that I am me. Don’t be thick about it.

My rationale for doing this is as follows: Like it matters.

A more in-depth rationale for doing this: It’s all a big holiday anyway, the original holidays don’t mean much anymore, and so I figured that I would just start the holiday season on my birthday. So I tried that out for a year, and then I felt guilty about leaving my Mom out, so I decided to start the holiday season one day earlier, on her birthday. It encompasses her birthday, my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, the largest shopping day of the year, Hanukkah, Festivus, Christmas, Newtonmas, Kwanzaa, New Years’, and the whole holiday denouement up to Valentine’s Day, among other holidays. That way, after New Years’ Day, you don’t have to get all depressed because it’s all over, because it isn’t over for another month! You can still enjoy the snow and cold and stuff. I can’t see why no one had thought of this before. Brings new meaning to the holiday greeting, “Merry Xmas, for infinitely large values of X”! :-)

So happy holidays!

And, my holidays don’t discriminate, so you can celebrate them in any way you wish, no matter what religion (or lack of) you are. You can even change religions halfway through—I don’t care. And, since I’m a Reverend in the Universal Life Church, I can condone that sort of thing. Or even encourage it. :-D So that’s why we are in the Holiday season right this very second.