When my eldest aunt, my mother's sister, died, I suppose that I was not prepared.
Christ, I still haven't dealt with Weebie's death.
I have been operating for so long in what Mary calls 'survival mode' that, basically, I am fresh out of deal and cope.
My aunt's children, and *their* children, are despicable, mostly. I cannot stomach listing off everything that had happened, so there is no purpose in naming them; their names would be reminiscent of Thirteen Ghosts, anyway.
They did NOTHING to help her. NOTHING to try to save her. They had her home cleared out before she was cold in her grave, and I am not joking — my mother's youngest sister kept them from clearing out the house before the funeral, but guess what happened that afternoon/evening? Yes; even her prescription medicine was taken (by a particularly worthless cousin-in-law). Thinking about it makes me rage. Wondering how Mummers could have had, in comparison, such decent children leaves my head spinning. I did not need to find out that one of my cousins is moonlighting as a drunk; I did not need to find out that one particularly wicked wench to whom I have the misfortune of being related tried to turn the entire funeral into an audience. I just …
I don't need this shite in my life. Nothing and no-one can fix this. Ever.
There are days, like today, when I have an unusual peace. Yesterday evening, I went to see Victor at my new massage place (I have had to change a few haunts to ensure that I avoid the demented stalker), and there was something so perfect about the atmosphere that I felt peaceful, and it has lasted through today. I mostly credit listening to Klaus Nomi's Valentine's Day as I drove through the sunset.
I have an application to get off, and I will finish that today, but in the meantime I am writing (here), cleaning a little, laundrymaking, and distracting myself from anything too serious by cataloguing the e/s I desperately need from Ingsoc…err…Inglot.
Fuck that; I am still going to call the brand Ingsoc.
…and wishing I were at the Quite Overcast beach today. When this is over — and it will be soon — I am going to treat myself, not that sheer peace shouldn't be treat enough. I need a break. I have needed one for a long, long time.
And I swear this Holiday Season will be nothing short of completely magical.
- Posted using an app that I drew on an Etch-a-Sketch modified to run Free BSD.