You walk around this town with your head all up in the sky

There are a lot of things that I want. One of them isn't insomnia, but there's not much I can do about that; I am only human.

I do not like the general consensus thing. I don't want to be a part of it. I don't know how much I am getting out of therapy any longer.

Things I've Learnt: I need better boundaries. I need to trust my gut instincts more. I need to be less afraid. I need to make up for not really having a childhood. I need to not feel as if I am responsible for everything, all the time. I have to talk myself up and sell myself more.

Things I Disagree With: There is such a thing as a person who is truly evil. Things are easier when seen in black and white terms. Absolutes (always, never, all, none) are ok. My mother is deserving of condemnation. I exhibit sociopathic traits, but am not a sociopath (don't know if she was joking with this one). I should be benevolent to people who are malevolent towards me (yet this is somehow not ass-kissing, and not at odds with there being evil people undeserving of help). I can't do this alone.

I think I am done. I am debating.

In Other News, I finally fixed my hair; my new stylist is Meg's stylist, and he is awesome (or, as a snowflake unfortunately wrote to me, 'osum'). Meg warmed me that he doesn't talk much, and you know me -- that just won't do. I guess Meg never has *tried* to talk with him; he told me he doesn't talk because his English is bad (he is Turkish). I told him that the general consensus is that my English is hideous. We like each other. Meg is jealous.

I am talking myself up and selling myself this week; that's the reason for the new 'do. I now have side fringe.

Well, Toorkee is Tony & Guy trained; I figure he knows. Meh; what do I know, other than it's funny to call him 'Toorkee'. I think he likes it.

My father's health is declining. He will not do anything about it. More on this later.

Right now, I have to attack this insomnia with a vorpal Benedryl. LYMI.






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