Oh, craps.

Ok... I turned in my reviews, and I hit the open road for a pre-Thanksgiving getaway. I had nowhere else to go, so I went gambling on a ship. I played craps for about five hours, and I won a little bit. Not counting my initial investment--I don't count that as winnings. I'm not bold; I mostly made line bets, I think they're called. I have the attention span of a gnat, and every time I play craps, I have to relearn it, it seems. Well, that, and I play fairly infrequently. The last time I played was in April, when I had to pass through Atlantic City on my way to Boston (I flew up, stayed the day in Atlantic City, and then rented a car and drove on to Providence and then Boston on business). Next time I play, I'll probably lose--that's the way it goes. If I thought it would go any differently, I'd raise money for my son-friend by playing all the time. :- )

I went to play for a few reasons. Number one was that I had nothing else to do. Number two was that, well, I'm a social creature, and craps is a social game. Thirdliest is because some of the employees are cute as hell.

Number one is an oft-visited theme; I really don't have all that much I can do in my spare time when I do have spare time. So I have a few things that are easy enough to just pick up where I left off. I really didn't feel like studying on Wednesday, I didn't feel like reading, or watching TV, or anything that was solitary. I need to go shopping like I need another hole in my head, plus shopping isn't exactly social. I mean, true, you talk to salesclerks, but there's not any...real talking. Or fun. Playing craps is very social, like almost instantaneously. I think it's probably like the camaraderie of the trenches, or something. :-) But there's almost always high spirits, joking, and you can talk to just about anyone. Some people are weirdass turkey freaks, but s'ok--most of them are very nice and funny people. And whenever I play table games, I usually start out at the low tables, so it's not all that expensive. And one of the boxmen we had was attractive in an oh-my-god way...

Ok. I know I'm pathetic. This also is an oft-visited theme. And the scary part is, I know it. Because I've been this way all of my life--and the sad fact of my life is that I don't fall in lust with those whom my friends think of as superhotties. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've been teased about it. But guys in formal dress have a soupçon of unapproachable sexiness anyway. Add to that the kind of...I don't know--tired seriousness?--this guy had, and I'm attracted. Not that anyone like that would probably put up with me for a minute (I have an inclination towards silliness that sometimes rears its goofy head. Oh--ok, ok: most of the time I'm a goofy pain-in-the-ass klutzy moron), but nonetheless...I think it's sexy. I think it has something to do with looking so serious, maybe; thousands of very dirty, appealing ways to alleviate that preoccupation swarm into my mind that most all involve my mouth and various parts of his body. And this guy...I mean he was really, amazingly fucking beautiful, and if I had any guts (and it weren't in some setting where there's not a proverbial snowball's chance in hell), I would have... Oh, hell--I would have done absolutely nothing. We all know this. Sigh.

Oh--wait--I've lost the added, "if I had any guts" in medias res; my bad. An astronomical amount hinges upon that part. Like the entire issue of my doing anything. :-) Perhaps I should start drinking--that might give me added confidence! ohhhh...let's see... After the three or four Long Island Iced Teas required to comfy me up a bit, I could sashay (eh--you say trip, stumble, and fall; I say sashay. It's artistic license) over to stand next to third base. Then, over the din, I announce my proposal:

Ancodia: I came here to lose $x. It's yours if you come upstairs with me after you get off.
Third: Well, thank you Ma'am, but I'm married. And...
Ancodia: I'm not talking to you, buttmunch.
Third: Could I also point out...
Ancodia: Wouldja shut the hell up? I am *so* not talking to you! Waitress! Another Long Island, please!
Third: I think you've had enough, and I'd like to point out...
Ancodia: Shuup! I'm trying to make a proposition here!
Boxman: May I help you?
Ancodia: ummm...just a sec; I've gotta drink this first... ::tips waitress, drinks fifth LI Tea in one gulp::
Third: Ma'am, you can't set your empty glass on the table. Now might I point out before this goes any further that...
Ancodia: Shaddap! You schtiffd me onna field bet 'bout three throws ago. Plus you're married. So shaddap! As I was schaying b'fore...
Third: Ma'am, could you say it without leaning across me and putting your hands on the table?
Ancodia: I need the schtability.
Third: I don't care. It's against the rules. And could I point out Ma'am, that...
Ancodia: SCHADDAP! Ok--I'm offa your schilly table. ::falls backward into pit::
Pit Boss: Is there a problem here?
Ancodia: Noddaddall. I'mma try this one more time. An' couldja tell dorkus here to shaddap furra sec? He schtiffed me and then knocked me inna head wiffis stick b'fore. An' 'e's married. I'm so not innerested innis 'pinion...
Third: Ma'am, I've apologised to you for the stick.
Ancodia: SCHADDAP!
Pit Boss: Ok, ok--let her talk.
Ancodia: Thannya. As I wash sayin', I thinkyer gorgeous...
Third: Well, thank you. But you have to realise that this...
Ancodia: Imma grab his goddam schtick over there and shove it upyer assh if you say one more word.
Pit Boss: Let her say whatever she wants to say.
Ancodia: Thannya. Why's the damn room schpinnin'?
Pit Boss: Ma'am, what is it that you want?
Ancodia: I wanna talkta him. ::points to the Boxman; the Pit Boss motions for him to come over::
Boxman: Yes?
Ancodia: ::grabbing the Boxman by the lapels:: I gotta schtay up, ok? Jus' work wif me here...
Boxman: And?
Ancodia: Anneye think yer absofuckinglootly gorgeous. Anneye'll pay youta come upschtairs wif me affer you geddoff, anneye...
Third: I'd really like to point out that...
Ancodia: Shuup, jerk.
Boxman: Is that all?
Ancodia: Ohellno; I'm offerinya tha 'posal ovva lifetime. I'll payya, you hafta do nothin'. Schwear.
Third: If I could...
Ancodia: Well, 'cept I wanna kissya. 'Least once. Other'n that, tho', nothin'
Third: Could I...
Ancodia: Whaadya want thass so damn 'portant?!?
Third: I'd like to just mention that this is a cruise ship. There is no "upstairs," at least not in the manner you're thinking.
Ancodia: Ohshit.
Third: I've tried several times...
Ancodia: Ummm...yeah. Ummm...lemme work out the logistics then; I jus' hafta revise a bit...
Third: Been trying to tell you.
Ancodia: Ummm...shaap an' lemme think...
Third: For quite a while.
Ancodia: [to Third] Shaddap. [to Boxman] How'bout yer place? Eyeshoont be drivin' anytime soon...
Pit Boss: Ma'am, I think you might want to come with me...
Ancodia: No. I wanna go make Boxy here's night.
Pit Boss: Why don't you let the nice security officer take you for a walk outside for some fresh air?
Ancodia: I don' think walkin' sagood idea. An' I think I'm gettin' somewhere wif Boxy.
Security: Come this way, please. ::pulls Ancodia towards the door::
Ancodia: Wairress! Bringga Tea ou'side, k? Imma be the one prolly in handcuffs walkin' the gangplank...


So maybe drinking's not such a good idea. :-) Sigh.