ohmigodomigodomigod

I am working from home, trying to throw a project together at the last second (one week 'til death, kids), and I see this commercial for the Slap Chop. The host reminds me of a squirrel on meth, and his 'you're going to love my nuts' line even made Squooshable's mouth fall open. Holy freaking shit:

-=Update=-



(spoken like Velveeta from Idiocracy) I just found this remix, and it's even more better!

[Be Just And] Fear Not

I got up EARLY this morning and took Mr Squooshable to the vet (you should know by now that I am far too neurotic to wait), and it turns out that Mr Squooshable is probably my hairball-barfer, cos he has groomed off a patch of his tummy fur that I had not noticed.  The vet said it could be fleas or nerves, so he got a shot of cortisone and a flea treatment (I let that go past-due, because I am a negligent kitty mommy and suck and all), and he is back on antibiotics for his arm, which the vet thinks he might have scratched when reaching for something, then groomed the hell out of to make the larger rough area and bald spot.  If his fur does not grow back (in other words, he keeps over-grooming), he's going on some kitty Valium for nerves for a month or two, but the vet thinks we'll try to see if this is a dermatological issue first before deciding it is a behavioural problem, and thinks that Squoosh is probably just fine, and has a flea sensitivity.  I didn't think I *had* fleas (how would they get in???), but the vet says I do, and that even one flea can make an allergic cat over-groom and be freaky, so...I will concede to the opinion of an expert and admit I have fleas.  So I gave everyone their flea treatment and now I am at work and stressed.  I feel like over-grooming.  Sheesh.

Oh, foo!

so i am drowning in work from all sides, i have a ton of stuff to prep
for tomorrow, and i come home to find that it appears one of Squoosh's
projects today was reaching after something he couldn't get, cos he
has a v-shaped patch of missing fur on the inside of his right arm,
and a little scrape-y looking sore. it does not look infected, the
scab area is not bad, it is not deep, but i guess i need to take him
to the vet to have it looked at tomorrow anyway. i have no way to do
it until tomorrow evening, though. and i have no way to keep him from
doing it again, because i don't know what he did!

why me?

I want Colbert's job

And no, I am still non-partisan, mainly 'cos I don't care.


This stimulus package -- why is he signing it in Denver?

Clearly, it is because he intends to hide in Crystal Palace after hearkening the end of the world. 

Oh, tell me I am not funny...g'head. 

Sigh...no one gets my jokes.

.

on second thought...

i cannot sleep; i am a tich annoyed, and i have another work meeting
thingy tomorrow. i know that i am being sparse on the personal issues
right now, but...it cannot be avoided.

butsoanyway.

i just have to get off my chest that, in addition to worrying about
hairballs on valentine's day, i was stupid enough to get roped into an
earlier dinner with someone who is their own most fascinating subject.
and the food sucked. this came about when our group cancelled any
project goings-on today because we lost anyone even remotely
permanently-partnered, and with meg and her friends off at a
conference this weekend, i am alone, lonely, plus i felt obligated to
go. now i wish i had not, and it says a lot that i would have rather
stayed alone at home, cos then i'd know who has hairballs.

well, probably.

there are some things in my life that simply *must* change. ...i just
cannot enumerate them. just feel pity towards me. this sucks. i
eventually want one nice valentine's day; it is on my to-do list.

p.s.: happy v-day. :-*

Hairballs!

Sigh...

Ok, so I have one Siamese with no hairballs, ever.  Two black cats, and one blue tuxedo cat -- they are my only hairball candidates.  I have a barfed hairball which is currently drying out, so that I can try to narrow it down to the two black cats, or the one blue cat.  The problem is, this is a big-assed hairball...yet everyone is healthy, happy, eating, drinking...everything. 

How in the hell can I tell whose hairball this is?  Could a cat barf up a hairball the size of the one in Wikipedia and be ok?  I gave everyone a dose of Laxastat (I keep it on hand for Squooshable), but...heavens; I have never had hairball problems until now!  Who?  Why? 

One more thing to stress over.

omgwtfbbq

Teacher Cuts Class To Turn Tricks

...apparently the economy *is* that bad.  

fetch russell's teapot; we'll have a cup and discuss this.

i was told this morning in my History-based class that i am very
'different' to listen to and learn from, and occasionally 'a little
upsetting'. this is because the person was (per them) raised catholic.
and i 'pick on' catholics. i do this by, in general terms, discussing
history, including numerous epistemological paradigms, some of which
are contrary to, well, dogma. we cover the dogmatists, too. :-) but i
'pick on' catholics...as if i could make up the dark ages, or tetzel.
snort. no, i told them, all confirmation biases aside, listen
carefully and you'll hear that i have a throughline that is impartial
to any religion or belief system -- i 'pick on' them all, equally.

'you mean i am listening for the catholic ones?'
'a-yup'

i do not know if this means i can notch one up for freethought or not.
it may be too early to call.

i probably should not have first asked if the blame was on me, them,
or the catholic church...at least not in such a deadpan way. hee.

oh, i crack me up.

in sickness and...well, sickness.

omg, am i sick. unfairness! i got a flu shot! this has to be a flu,
cos the headache is monsterous. i am the last person at my doctor's
this evening, and feel like i am going to freaking die. i am sooo
achy.

this helps the stress i am feeling not in the least. one month to a
serious project deadline. this is not good. not at all.

Everything Old is New Again

Eviiljob is a fairly tech-heavy company.  I cannot actually name Eviljob; once I quit, we might be able to talk on that point, though.  ;-)  For now, just trust me that Eviljob, like Elvis, is everywhere in most, or at least many, technically-based lives.  We (allegedly) hire the best in their field, blah, blah, blah...  Which is why I always am amazed at how completely fucking young and lost many of our techboys are.  Today, I had this happen as I am in Tech Dep't Y to help draw up some new training manuals for them:

Ancodia: Chris, come over here and show me again how demo xx works.

Chris (playing a video game on his iPhone): I'm on break. No!  Oh!  Oh!  

ChrisBoss (about 50 yrs old): I can show you ::pulls up demo xx::

Chris: Oh! Oh! Oh! BWAAAAGGGGHHHH!

(this continues for several minutes)

Ancodia: Are you still on break?

Chris: Oh, man...

Ancodia: Woman.

Chris: Ohhh, man!

Ancodia & ChrisBoss: ...and WOMAN.

Chris: That was the greatest *ever*! I burned him so bad! I'm like, 'take that, whoa!'

ChrisBoss: What're you playing?

Chris: Oh, man...Light Bikes!

Ancodia: ...light bikes?

Chris:  Yeah!  It's on the iPhone, and you're in this motorcycle that makes a wall of light behind you that you can't cross, and you play against another bike, and you try to make the other bike crash into a wall of light, or the wall of the game, and...

Ancodia:  Sounds awesome -- they should make a movie about it.  ::elbowing ChrisBoss:: Maybe Disney, or something.  

ChrisBoss (jokingly): Hey, yeah! That'd be cool!

Chris: I dunno...

Ancodia: Oh, god...Tron.  You're playing Tron.

Chris: No -- Light Bikes!

Ancodia:  No, TRON -- light *cycles*, to be exact.  It's a trillion years old.

Chris:  This is new...it's on the iPhone.  See?  Light *Bikes*!

ChrisBoss: What do they say about being doomed to repeat history?

Ancodia:  This is a knock-off...what're you going to play next, Circle-Guy?  Where the little circle runs around the maze and wocka-wocka eats all the little dots?

Chris: No...I don't have that one...

Ancodia: Kill me now.

ChrisBoss: Photo Finish! (earns a winky point from me)

Ancodia:  I hear the iPhone's PointyThing 3000 is fun.

ChrisBoss: You are way too young to be making these jokes...I think.   

Ancodia: Meh...I thought *he* (at Chris) was too smart to not be *getting* these jokes, and look what that got me. 

ChrisBoss: Truth; maybe *I* should write some iPhone apps, reinvent Asteroids, or something.  Maybe iPhoneroids?

Ancodia:  Hey (in an elderly voice, to Chris)! Can your li'l gadgee there pick up The Q-Link? I hafta meet some'a me droogs in People Connection.

Chris looks confused.  ChrisBoss is in hysterics.  

Sigh.  I am the premier comedienne for the over-fifty crowd, and the unappreciated equivalent of Confuse-A-Cat for the under thirty crowd.  Yep, yep.  Credits!!!

CONFUSE-A-CAT LIMITED
INCORPORATING
AMAZE-A-VOLE LTD
STUN-A-STOAT LTD
PUZZLE-A-PUMA LTD
STARTLE-A-THOMPSON'S GAZELLE LTD
BEWILDEREBEEST INC
DISTRACT-A-BEE

. 

The Hamster Did It!

Ok...it's not funny, but...it's funny.