talking to mommy

RING!
'hello?'
'are you at home?'
'i've been wondering that all evening; help me out here -- what number
did you dial?'
'you are so mean and nasty sometimes...'
'oh, for god's sake'
'are you watching television?'
'no'
'go! now! hurry! turn it on!'
(walking to turn the tv on) 'is this important?'
'yes!'
'ok; tv on. what now?'
'turn to kqnn!'
(clicking) 'ok. all this fuss to make me watch the RNC?'
'no. i know you don't care; i just realised something, and i wanted
you to see this!'
'for the record, i "care" plenty; i just already know who will win.'
'hush!'
'oh, now who is being nasty?'
'hush! see that woman?'
'of course.'
'you know that's...'
'you can't be serious; of course i know that is sarah palin'
'do you know what i just realised?'
'...she's a woman?'
'quit! i was listening to her, and it struck me why she seemed so familiar'
'do tell'
'ancodia, that palin woman looks just like you! especially right now!'
'are you batshit?'
'if you wore your hair like that, and were a bit older...'
'you aren't actually *serious*?'
'i would bet that when she was your age, you two would have looked like twins!'
'you interrupted me for *this*?'
'i'm telling you, when you are her age, that is exactly how you will look!'
'i thought you didn't like her'
'i never said that!'
'i could've sworn you did'
'no. only, when you are her age, please cut your hair a little higher.'
'what?'
'shorter. her hair needs to be shorter; you will look much more
dignified when you are her age if you have shorter hair.'
'good god'
'the top part is nice -- flattering, even. i think that would look good on you'
'you know, OTHER people all over the country right now are actually
LISTENING to what she's SAYING, not focussing on her hair.'
'you have a much better speaking voice, though; you are much
better-modulated and considerate of those listening to you'
'thanks; i'll count on your vote.'
'it's because i worked so with you when you were younger'
'of course' ::eye roll::
'you would do something like stand up there in front of god and
everybody and talk about being a hockey mom-type, though. that was
inappropriate.'
'calling herself a hockey mom was inappropriate?'
'yes. it just wasn't funny.'
'i didn't hear it; perhaps it wasn't meant to be funny?'
'did you just see that?'
'what?'
'there! he [mccain] did it again!'
'waved?'
'he raised his arms over his shoulders!'
'quoi?'
'they say he can't do it, but i just saw him'
'well, christ; why are you wasting time on the phone with me when you
could be phoning the va and reporting this fraud?'
'you're just like her; you think you're being funny, but you're not'
'oop. now it's over. however will you prove anything?'
'i have it recorded'
'look; this has been fun, but...'
''i think it would be fine for you to have a child when you are
around forty-four.'
'WHAT??'
'well, i did'
'i'm sorry...WHAT?'
'had my children in my forties.'
'yes, i know that -- i still do not understand what we are talking about'
'none of you had problems; each one of you were the smartest of all your peers'
'not that you are biased or anything'
'it's the truth. you will be glad that you waited.'
'may i go now?'
'well, i want you to promise me one thing'
'k'
'when you are her age, i want you to keep your hair shorter, but
well-groomed, as she does, and i want you to remember that a lot of
women have children later in life, after they have established
themselves'
'that's two things.'
'stop being sarcastic'
'three things'
'quit!'
'four.'
'i'm hanging up now'
'darn'

click.