my heart is drenched in ... erm, whine.

i just had another row with meg over doofer, the drunk. i am quickly
becoming very tired of all this.

months ago, before she even knew shithead existed, i'd taken halloween
off completely, as well as saturday; those who know me might wonder if
i'd had a stroke or some other crisis, cos i tend towards being a
little bit of a workaholic. it's ok; i can admit it. i've worked
through birthdays, halloween, thanksgiving...in short, the entirety of
my holiday season, even new year's eve and day.

but that DOESN'T mean that i want to.

so i take the days off, and she up-and-makes plans with blod, the wondertwit.

oh, hush; that may well be his halloween vampire name, one never knows.

butsoanyway.

so tonight, after she'd had me parked in a holding pattern for weeks
over what she wants to do (if she wants to do anything at all), meg
tells me she and blod are going to go do x, y, and z, and do i want to
come. and she's also invited this lesbian couple with whom meg and i
are both friends.

i'm sorry...bbq?

so i completely lost it, and told her to have a fabulous couples'
night out, cos i will be at work. once again, i have turned down more
casual invites to 'hang out' than i can recall offhand, as well as two
formal parties (three if one counts the immeditate 'no, thanks' i gave
the self-important jackass one at one of my jobs where the anal little
bastard hosting told everyone invited that his family (he and his wife
aren't authority enough, he has to drag his kids into it) is 'not
allowing any costume that requires shoes as part of the costume',
because he has 'extremely expensive carpeting, furniture, and
fixtures' -- these are quotes here -- and therefore will not allow
shoes indoors, or edibles in 'unapproved' areas...fuckaduck; why not
hold it elsewhere? why make people miserable? i begged off cos i know
me; i'd wear something witchy and dolman-like, and spend the whole
evening subtly spilling indian ink on everything in the house i could;
i am evil incarnate), and of the two guys i might take out, one i am
still in what i consider a very early stage (plus, he is a little
older, and i don't feel like finding out that he is a stick in the mud
just yet), and the other is at this point (1) leaning more towards
friend and (2) nice enough to not jerk around; i'd cleared halloween
to hang out with meg, and it is unfair to play 'red light / green
light' with the lives of others.

hear that, meg o' my heart?

so we fought, and i hung up on her, and went out into my garage to
smoke and do laundry (i only smoke when i am really upset anymore --
as i have been over this shite for about two weeks -- and i won't
smoke around my cats, but heavens, am i caught up on laundry!). after
i calmed down, i phoned her back and told her that i was sorry if i'd
not clearly detailed my intentions (she claims i'd told her i might be
working, where i claim she's completely batshit and making up
conversations to suit her own agenda), and to have a great time. i so
completely observed, and tried to bring her 'round via socratic
enquiry, that she is *not* going to her dean's special-invite party
along with her b-f-fucking-f sabra and a few others in her department
cos she cannot bring blod the wondertwit; she would spend the evening
having conniption fits cos blod would get roaring drunk, pee in the
pool, and try to hump the dog. meg learnt nothing. the socratic method
sucks ass, qed.

i just hope she doesn't let the stinking-drunk bastard drive; losing
my favourite sister on halloween would really ruin my holiday season,
and i don't let ANYTHING ruin my holiday season. seriously; you have
NO idea. all the worst things in my LIFE have happened during *my*
fucking holiday season, and I WILL NOT LET BASTARDS GET ME DOWN!
ohellno.

someday i may go into it, but not now; for now, you will have to trust
me that i have been to hell and back, and for some reason, it ONLY
happens during the holiday season.

and no, not cos there's so damned much of it; shut the fuck up.

butsoanyway.

as i was saying, so now i not only lose out on *having* a halloween
this year (once again), but now i have to worry about meg's safety,
and according to my family, *i* am the irresponsible one.

whatever.

all that i wanted was a fucking haunted shed and cider, but that is
too much to ask, it would seem. *and* i have to teach tomorrow, and
i'll have no sleep.

hmmph.
.