I Wish by Skee-Codia

I Wish, by Skee-Codia*

Hey, this is radio station K-O-D-I-A
We're takin' calls on the wish line
Making your wacky wishes come true

Hello?

  I wish my grass was little bit shorter,
  I wish I had a daughter,
  I wish she was a dyke with a mower,
  I would call her
  I wish I had a blower and an edger and a ‘chete
  and a big weed whacker…

My grass is up to like, six-foot-nine
And the only thing I seen today is Marshall, Will, and Holly
but yo, they seem kinda nice,
And now I see them all the time
In my front yard, with Dopey and that tribesmen
I like to kick that Cha-Ka as I go out to my car
Cause I know he won’t kick back
He’s not that tall and he can’t play ball
‘Cos you can’t see the driveway anymore, much less the hoop
'Cause when it comes to getting my lawn done
I'm always last to be mowed
And in the past few days never mowed at all
So I just figure what the hell
The place looks like Isla Nublar already
So maybe InGen’s gonna buy me out
Dag y'all! I never understood, Mister Sleestak,
Why the old peeps get the lawn guys
And me I get the unusual-sized rats
I tell 'em scat, skittle, scabobble
Try to hit ‘em with a bottle
And I need a safari jacket
That’s tarantula-proof
I confess it's a shame when you got people livin’ in your lawn
And you don’t even know their name
Glad I got
a new lawn guy
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach
Overcommeth by the thoughts of necrotising fasciitis
Right?
But when I asked him over, he said he was booked all week

  I wish my grass was little bit shorter,
  I wish I had a daughter,
  I wish she was a dyke with a mower,
  I would call her
  I wish I had a blower and an edger and a ‘chete
  and a big weed whacker…

I wish I had a brand-new yard
So far, I got this ten-foot tall grass
And everywhere I go, yo I gets laughed at
And when I'm in my house I'm laid back
I got a black cat who thinks he can take out the T-Rex in the backyard
But that's whacked
And do you really wanna know what's *really* whack?
See I can't even get a cut
So, what do you think of that?
I heard that at night it’s a big fight
When the large rats meet the Sleestaks
But really tho' I'm El Reject-o
When I'm in my yard I can't even get a hello
When so many people cruise by my home on Sunday
Well then I'ma have to get a mower of my own
Find the radio, figure out how to crank up KODIA 105.5
Also get a bazooka, ‘case I see something that looks alive
Cause it's hard to survive when your livin'
In a despairing jungle and
These landscapers just keep passin' me by
Fine! Don’t say hi, don’t say hi…
Makes me say my, my, my

  I wish my grass was little bit shorter,
  I wish I had a daughter,
  I wish she was a dyke with a mower,
  I would call her
  I wish I had a blower and an edger and a ‘chete
  and a big weed whacker…

I wish my grass was a little bit shorter...
I wish I had a daughter...
I wish my grass was a little bit shorter, y'all
I wish I had a daughter…

Hey, I wish I had my way
'Cause maybe all these giant ants would move away
You could even walk on my walkway
I would play ghetto games
Name the tarantulas ghetto names
Little Mookie, big Al, Lorraine
Yo you know that's on the real
So if you’ve got an over-grown yard,
Then you should know just how I feel
Cause I don’t want Father Excess around
Wish he’d go simple, he’d go easy, he’d go greyhound
Hey, you, what's that sound?
I think the damn Sleestaks’re comin’ ‘round
Ahhhh, yes, ain't that whack?
Everybody wants to get mown like dat

  I wish my grass was little bit shorter,
  I wish I had a daughter,
  I wish she was a dyke with a mower,
  I would call her
  I wish I had a blower and an edger and a ‘chete
  and a big weed whacker…

I wish, I wish, I wish...


Next on KODIA, J-comecutmyfugginglawn-Z…

If you’re having yard problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, and my lawn is one…




*No, I am not using ‘dyke’ in a mean way; I have friends who are dykes (though out-of-state), and when I worked in the theatre, the dykes and I would sing funny songs all god damned day as we put sets up—many of which were about dykes--plus it keeps metre, ‘cos ‘daughter’ has to rhyme with ‘shorter’, and why else would I make my daughter do it, unless she liked it for some peculiar reason?  There.  So I have a daughter who is a dyke, and she’s come to rescue me.  That’s some equality.  Work with me here…

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