Last post of 2006!

...I think.

I am currently deciding whether I am going out or not. On one hand, I don't want to; on the other hand, I am pretty much committed to go. I may go and then come back; I don't know. This is a thingy with the person that I still have to really go into, and it will end up being a kind of work-thing, I guess. A bunch of work-friend types getting all dressed up for No Real Reason, basically.

Butsoanyway.

Hugs, Love, and happy New Year! Please be safe and careful out there!

Love,

me.

p.s.: I have been getting a bunch of hits (and a few emails) from the blog title, 'Don't Push Me, 'Cos I'm Close to the Edge'; it's an old song, and just turned up in Happy Feet. :-) The song is called The Message, and it is by Grandmaster Flash. Hope this helps, and saves someone email postage. :-)

.

It is not over yet!!!

Here: Take the Christmas carol quiz!

Wow, was I angry.

Meg left for another trip, and decided to not answer her cell for almost four hours. I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but I tried to phone her to ask where she left Harry The Cat’s Pill Pockets (he likes chicken, where Romeo likes salmon), and I started to worry when she wouldn’t answer the phone, so I sent my usual ‘I’m getting worried’ series of text messages every thirty minutes or so…and didn’t get an answer until *finally* she answered her phone about ten minutes shy of a full four hours. I was worried because that’s not like her — she’s usually pretty good about keeping in touch. Then she tried to sell me on some crap about how her cell must not have been getting signal etc., as if I were incapable of discerning the difference between a cell phone call that is being delivered to the handset and one which isn’t because of no signal/being powered off. Nice try.

I told her that the next time she wanted to take a break to get laid, just shoot me a text message and shut the damn thing fully off.

Butsoanyway.

I spent all today (now yesterday) totally alone at work (eight hours, Job 2; the three hours I was at Eviljob early this morning were hours which were unfortunately jam-packed with company), which was weird; I was *supposed* to have had a co-worker helping me with our suite of equipment, but he was a no-call, no-show…which was odd for him. He’s been acting a little odd in general over the past week, and I don’t know what is up with him. My boss slipped and told me that he was diagnosed as being clinically depressed (which is kinda obvious), and I think that with the semester over, he is just imploding.

I ended up asking our resident Wacky Divorcée to help me out and play Victim. :-) We had a lot of fun. Well, we ended up talking a lot. I like her; she’s…well…wacky. She’s older, and just has this amazing way about her—she’s funny and awesome. Eventually I will have to get around to describing everyone, but for now I have to get to sleep.

Harry The Cat is doing better, by the way. Better is good. :-)

I was going to post this yesterday, but fell asleep. Yes, that’s correct: I fell asleep sitting up at my computer. Please do not ask how I managed that one. Today I had off (sort-of), which is one of the perqs involved in working for (at the end of the money chain) the RCMP—one gets holidays up the wazz, although I usually have too much to get done to actually take advantage of those holidays.

Today I ended up sleeping late (I am beyond exhausted; there is not a *word* for what I am) and just going to my (new-ish) chiropractor. No, I don’t fully subscribe to all that hooey; chiropractic does not cure deafness, or any of the other wild and wacky claims made by D.D. or B.J. Palmer. But it does help with some pain and range-of-motion issues, which I have loads of, because my neck has no curve like normal people have—this means I have muscle pain, headaches (especially tension headaches, which are on *top* of the migraines I get), and occasional stiffness that is a tad more frequent than the majority of the population who all have a nice little cervical lordosis going on up there.

And yes, I have multiple x-rays, made throughout the years which show that my cervical bones are ruler-straight. It was actually discovered in an emergency room when I was seventeen and had just been in a car accident (one which had just totalled my virst car, and no, I wasn’t at-fault), and in case anyone is completely anti-chiropractic, it was MDs who first brought it to my attention, and my father looked at those first radiographs as well, as have other physicians. So the answer to my most often-asked sceptical question is no—I wasn’t diagnosed by a chiropractor, nor have I only seen chiropractors about it.

Butsoanyway.

So since I have no one to give me neck massages, I started going to a chiropractor about a month ago; he is a Life graduate (the first I have been to; for all my razzing on D.D. and B.J., I actually prefer Palmer graduates—it’s just so damnably easy to razz on D.D. and B.J. :-D); he’s a very funny, nice guy who looks like Danny DeVito’s older, taller brother, and he isn’t making extra money by being a freaky-assed homeopath, or anything psychotic like that. I flat-out refuse to patronise anyone nutty like that. Plus he is literally around the corner from my subdivision, and he’s on my PPO. The only thing that he ‘sold’ me on is taking Glucosamine, Chondroitin, and MSM supplements (which I picked up at the drugstore; he doesn’t sell them), and I think they are actually helping. Oh—and getting a more supportive pillow.

Butsoanyway.

It’s frustrating that I have such a hard time relaxing when I visit, though. I mean, I really have significant difficulty. I know that I must aggravate the crap out of him, but I really cannot help it; I am just one of those people who take an inordinate amount of time to relax, if it happens at all. Today was a bad day, and I didn’t really benefit at all, though he was funny. So that sucks. Except for the being funny part.

Then I went to feed the kitties, and the two remaining kittens ran up to me with their tails up. :-) With Harry being diagnosed with FeLV, I am now in more of a bind as far as they go—I have no one to take them, and would have to keep them in my house until I could re-release them…but I am now the proud owner of FIVE CATS. FIVE.

Just so you know, this pushes me WAY PAST the Glenn Beck measure of sanity. *WAY* past.

But then, so does everything else I do and am. :-D

So after that, I went shopping and did NOT buy anything I didn’t need, which includes a really cool-looking olive oil shampoo and conditioner set that I found (but, again, didn’t buy). But I did get a broccoli pasta thing, which I am cooking now. Yay. I love broccoli. And now I have to go—Brain Candy is on tonight, and I haven’t seen that in ages.

Oh—and—I have so far watched Jingle All The Way at least twenty times this season.

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Best Positions in Bed!

Hey, lookit!

I'm thisclose to having a sex blog...

Oh, yeah!

Now let's review *MY* favourite positions:



























Oh...get your minds out of the GUTTER!

:-D

.

I am a lime tree.

This was just sent to me today. Mine is pretty accurate, I think--especially the part about being a jealous, catty, nasty hoor. ;-) Or whatever. Though in all honesty I haven't read all of them. But I fell off a lime tree; I am a sour, nasty, bitter person, and everyone hates me and uses me as a derogatory term for Brits. And my juice sells far less often compared to those god damned lemons when I am squozed up into little plastic replicas of myself (do you catch the bitter jealous envy there?). And I am green.

----------------

Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and somewhat accurate. Then send it to all your friends, including the one that sent it to you, so they can find out what tree you fell from, but don't forget to change the subject line to your tree before forwarding.

Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree

Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree

Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree

Jan 25 to Feb 03 - CypressTree

Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree

Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree

Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree

Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree

Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree

Mar 21 (only) -Oak Tree

Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree

Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree

Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree

Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree

May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree

May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree

May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree

Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree

Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree

Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree

Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree

Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree

Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree

Jul 26 to Aug 04 - CypressTree

Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree

Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree

Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree

Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping WillowTree

Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree

Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree

Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree

Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree

Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree

Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree

Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree

Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree

Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree

Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree

Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree

YOUR TREE (in alphabetical order)

Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner,very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner.

Ash Tree (Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive,demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent,restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.

Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks,materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unneces sary risks, reasonable, splendid life time companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly,unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, adores the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and! content atmosphere.

Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to lookdown on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious,healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive,well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times,fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

CypressTree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what Life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.

Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed,honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, few sexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence.

Fir tree (Mysterious) -- extraordinary! taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment ! a nd expects complete fairness.

Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads reasonable and disciplined! life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers,is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independenceof Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud,self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting,independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable,balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm,well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Pine Tree (Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, fall strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, extremely genero! us, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything ! beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition,suffers in love until they find that one loyal.

So what are you?

.

Oh. And...

I am a lime tree.

But we all knew that, didn't we?

I am not going to say...

...that things could suck worse, cos if i say that, then everything
will go wrong. Or worse wrong, that is. Christmas wasn't bad; Meg
stopped off to see our brother and his family, and came home with some
rare tropical disease that she caught from my three-year-old nephew,
so she's snot-filled and grumpy. She and i went out looking at
Christmas lights in this crappy weather, and it wasn't that great;
everyone's being a grinch this year. Meg was delayed in leaving out
again, so she'll be playing trivia with me tonight, and that alone is
a really cool present to me. Not that i want her to miss out on poker,
or anything.

Ok, now for the bad news...

Harry my outdoor cat had a respiratory infection, so i took him to the
only vet open on Christmas Eve (besides Dr Superhero, cos it is always
PACKED in there on holidays). So he's on Clavamox and some ear drops.
He's ok except for testing positive for feline leukemia. Sigh. So i am
having to figure out what to do there. That vet only did the Snap
test for FeLV (and FIV, but he was negative), and that tests for
antigens--not the virus itself. Plus, a significant number of cats
test positive and never become ill, and even test negative later. So
i'm just getting him over the immediate infection, and then I'll see
what happens. And keep Harry away from my other cats, and get them
vaccinated against FeLV.

As always, my situation is hopeless, but not serious.

It's almost here!

Ack! And I am not ready... I am getting up and out early to do last-minute shopping, and to score some freaking *food*. I forgot to go shopping this week, and did not have time to grab anything yesterday. I'm thinking Vietnamese or Thai, to put a new twist on my traditional holiday Chinese food. :-)

Mummers and Meg-O-My-Heart are back, and so I'll probably end up taking at least one of them with me.

Yay, I think.

Pink. I think I'll paint the blog pink...

I am thinking of going girly; Thisaway Rose or Ms Moto.

Opinions, please.

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Jesus Freaking Christ on a Popsicle Stick

I guess that I am (somewhat) relieved to hear that the US isn't the only place on Earth with Cali-Liberal Pinheads, though I *do* believe that they are minted in then thar hills.

As a side note, if you are a Cali-Liberal Pinhead, you are pissing me off. I am sick of Your Kind. You are in desperate need of medication, therapy, an actual goal in Life, and a swift kick in the ass.

And not necessarily in that order.

From the Daily Mail:

Doctors order Santa to go on a diet

Father Christmas is at risk of serious illness because of his bulging waistline and needs to cut down on the mince pies, doctors warned today.

A survey of shopping centre Santas in Scotland revealed an average waist size of 47 inches - seven inches more than is considered safe.

Dr Miles Fisher, consultant physician at Glasgow Royal Infirmary said: "The image of Santa is of a round, jolly person and it is meant to be one of hilarity but if you have obesity around your tummy, then it is very bad for you.

"Before, we thought it was just not good to be overweight but now we know that having fat around your middle is particularly bad.

"That fat produces hormones, which have been associated with heart disease and other conditions."

According to health guidelines, having a waist circumference of more than 40 inches for men or 35 inches for women is a key indicator of abdominal obesity.

It is associated with a greater risk of heart disease or type 2 diabetes. And people who have rounder stomachs, known as "central obesity", are more at risk than people who are merely overweight.

Perhaps Santa should consider cutting back on the sherry as well.

Lord god almighty...SANTA IS A SYMBOL OF CHRISTMAS. SANTA CLAUS IS A FICTIONAL PERSON (apologies if this is news to you), A HOLIDAY TROPE, A WHOLLY-INVENTED CHARACTER. What retard would actually think that Santa might serve as a role model that we should be concerned with how fat he is? What humourless asshole would make such a stretch to further their own agenda? Santa is a jolly old fat man. Get the fuck OVER it. Quit over-analysing everything and taking even the lamest opportunity to stand up on a soapbox for your own personal issues; it is okay for Santa to be fat *and* good. Rilly. If you disagree, SEEK HELP, because YOU HAVE PROBLEMS.

And I really blame the Cali-Liberal Pinheads, 'cos it is just like them to obsess over how fat Santa is; I bet they are drafting petitions as I type. Lobbying to change the way Santa is depicted for the Common Good, ignoring the fact that they could re-direct their efforts a tad and do something that actually NEEDS TO BE DONE--like getting rid of high fructose corn syrup in commonly-ingested foodstuffs, for example. Because god only knows that Santa is too White, too fat, tries to buy friends because of his low self-esteem, and appears to have an unnatural and disturbing affinity for children. Let's get him the fuck out of here. I mean, really; clearly he's offensive, ethnocentric, and numbs children to the grooming behaviours of paedophiles.

I think we should have some buff twenty-year old Hispanic Santa who spreads the word to children (whilst keeping them at arm's length, of course) to eat veggies and not let Bad People touch them in their bathing suit areas. And he should only give out apples and health club memberships.

And he *must* be happily-married. Or better yet, gay--but in a committed state-sanctioned relationship. Or--there you go--gay and MARRIED. And his Mr Santa should be an older man, so as not to give NAMBLA any footing. We need to get rid of the elves, too--they look child-like because of their size and that also just *screams* paedophilia, plus this whole 'elf' thing is clearly an effort by The Man to keep migrant workers down by making their plight appear elf-like.

Or something.

Santa should hand out organic apples hand-picked by industrious communes of homeschooled vegans who have entered into a cooperative voluntarily, and not only receive monetary compensation which averages out to ten times the minimum wage per hour, but also have full medical, dental, and vision benefits, as well as access to the 'alternative' healthcare of their choosing. And this whole operation needs to be moved to some country that can benefit from the influx of jobs.

And we'd better hurry up and change all this before some group gets...::drum roll::...*offended*.

BWAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This reminds me of that recent failed marketing attempt with milk. They ('They' being The Man, man) removed cookie-scented strips from bus shelters because (1) people might be allergic, and (2) it might 'offend' homeless people, 'cos they can't afford cookies.

Just shoot me.

How about this:

(1) if you are really *that* allergic, you probably aren't out walking around in public. You are probably in some plastic bubble in some hospital, wishing someone would slip you a knife so that you could cut yourself the fuck out of there and die happy at a bus stop, smelling fucking cookies, free for the first time in your pathetic life. And if you *are* that allergic and out in public, guess what? You are (a) in the minority, (b) probably fully aware of what triggers your allergies and have methods to counteract/compensate...which includes just walking away, and (c) hopefully clued in to the fact that, although it is nice when your needs are considered, the world does not revolve around you; it never has, and it never will. The world will also not wait for you if you fall behind, and it won't wipe your butt if you crap yourself. Get used to it. If you don't understand that, you not only have allergies, you have intractable stupidity. You do not have the right to dictate to other people what they can and cannot do--only yourself. Cope.

(2) How about giving cookies to the homeless? That would be a really NICE thing to do. Give them milk, too. Or donate some money so that the charities that care for these poor people's needs on a daily basis can go buy them milk and cookies. And maybe some rehabilitation, and/or a safe place to stay so that they can get their bearings in Life back again. This 'if you didn't bring enough for the whole class, you can't have any either' mentality is RETARDED. The 'Whole Class' is the WORLD, moron. And you believe in Playground Justice, which is really pathetic. Get over it--in life some people have, and some don't, and the large majority of those that have don't give a crap about those that don't, be it human, animal, or societal. If you are feeling guilty over what you have, give to someone or something that doesn't have, and quit whining about how you want to eat your cookies in secret and not have to share with the homeless, you pathetic fucktard.

Ummm...I think I am feeling stress aftershocks.

I'll be okay. Really.

.

Strike out...

No cats got caught today. Pfft. For the entire time i had the traps
out, i saw not a one. I will just try again, i guess. I am trying to
not be depressed, so i am watching A Boyfriend for Christmas... and
i'm getting bummed out. Bwaah!

**updated**

I just got online to play trivia and make sure that I understood this correctly:

Hallmark Channel Has Run Out of Ideas for Sappy TV Movies

I need to think up a script idea fast and sell it.

Don't push me, 'cos I'm close to the edge...

**UPDATE**Due to the high number of emails I am getting because of this title, I would like to mention that the song is The Message by Grandmaster Flash (and the Furious Five). It probably got stuck in my head because of Happy Feet. :-) Hope this helps.

I just got this in an email...awesomeness. Don't mess with girls, eh? Currently I am doing not very much; I also was sent this link: Suzette la Starlette, and I gave up on it cos my head is just not into thinking right now, and so I am just letting Genedefekt run in the background; it has been a while since I heard that song, and I had forgotten how much I liked it. It has been a really long time since I went out and got ploughed and went dancing, and this really reminds me of that.

Happy Chanukah, by the way; I missed a timely HC’ing ‘cos I suck.

I am going out tomorrow to trap (or try to, at least) for the tentative Monday speuter appointment I have. I ended up staying for the whole time today (or yesterday, rather) at Eviljob, which is good (in a way), because this past semester I have been cutting out of there early a *lot*, which will eventually bite me in the ass.

I really want this for Christmas: Munchkin Bites!, but I suck at hinting. I have a hard time coming up with things for people to give me (for some reason, everyone always just asks me what I want, then gets something else entirely), so I would just tell everyone, but I think anyone who was going to ask me already has. So I may just go buy it myself after Christmas. I will teach Squoosh how to play. :-D

I am feeling better—significantly better today, in fact—and so who knows or cares…it seems that I shall live. :-) I don’t know why I bother to ask my brother anything; he thinks that everyone is at fault for their own illnesses, a state of mind he inherited from my father. His opinion is that if I am not hospitalised, then I need to quit whining and hunting around for the problem (or its solution), and just go to work and do. That’s really the way I was raised, I’ve just become more humane towards myself and others in my old age. :-) I no longer see catching a cold as a sign of moral weakness and/or flawed character.

In Other Family News, Meg sends pictures; the Beau Rivage is all gussied up for Christmas:

Since my mother’s cat Arby was a ‘rescue’ cat (I found her as a tiny kitten on the side of a Quickee Lube place, and asked my mom to hold on to her for a couple days, ‘cos I was in the midst of moving. That’s how they became soul mates. For some reason, Mom and Arby bonded like nothing I have ever seen before—Mom isn’t that bonded to ME, for chrissake), I used to tease Mummers all the time about dropping Arby back off at a casino to be a ‘casino cat’ (every casino I have ever been to has at least a few, and it’s good luck to feed them…or so I tell people I run into gambling there), and this annoys my mother to no end, because I honestly think she feels as if I am being cruel to an actual sister, or something. Her relationship with Arby is that intense. And bear in mind that all this time, Arby sees both Meg and I as total interlopers—she hates us, and makes no secret of that. Any time either of us is over and talking to Mom, Arby will come over and start yapping at Mom also, trying to steal her attention away (which usually works). Arby’s right—Mama does love her more. And Meg and I have developed this elaborate anthropomorphised ‘personality’ for Arby which basically involves calling the two of us ‘Loser’ a lot. Mummers thinks it’s funny.

Butsoanyway.

We (Meg and I) stopped teasing Mom about dropping Arby off at a casino because it upset Mom so, and instead joke about a casino which we have named the Beau Arbage (‘that means The Beautiful Arby in French, Loser!’). My point in mentioning this is that I *was* going to say that the Beau Arbage was all decked out for the holidays, but realised no one would understand what I meant. So if I ever say it, now you know.

Butsoanyway.

I also have another problem (well, we all know I have *way* more than just one), and I have so far avoided really getting into it. And I need to think it through and figure something out, but…I am stalling. I don’t know why. Well, I *do* know why – it’s because I am mentally exhausted. Just tired of thinking, period. I really need a vacation—from EVERYTHING ON EARTH—and that is why I am spending time that I should be working at Eviljob shopping Guide Gear on Amazon for China Silk gloves, socks, underwears, and balaclavas (black, naturellement; I’m still a goth girl in my heart-of-hearts)…which was what I did today. I am prepping for two upcoming trips, one of which I will be skiing on, if I have to force my way to the slopes at gunpoint.

And if I do have to resort to gunpoint, I need to look outrageously ninja-sexy doing it, hence the balaclava. It has absolutely nothing to do with being hopelessly sick and perverted.

No, rilly. It’s all about accessorising.

I am going to have to get some sleep. I will try to get back early from cat-catching and finish an actual post that has an actual beginning, middle, and end. Sigh.

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I'm a typical hysterical woman...

My brother said that i need to quit listening to the liberal media.
:-) He also said that i should lay off the antibiotics after this,
though. No duh. I am watching Jingle All The Way, and then i think i
will go to sleep. If i can get out of Eviljob early tomorrow, i am
going to get Harry to come over and fix my back door and get stuff to
make shelves on the back deck. Meg is doing fine, she's at a casino
right now, and will be with my brother's family in the next few days,
i don't remember when. Today i had a kind of... something. A date-ish
meeting, i guess. Same guy as before, which i will go into later. I
think everything is ok. Other than that, everything is the same.
Hopefully tomorrow will be an easy day. :-) i hope. I need it.

Wonderful.

Just heard a story on NPR about the horrors of Ketek... I'm *on*
Ketek. Frigging beauty, i swear... I guess i will phone my brother or
father and see if i need to get off it. Is this supposed to mean i
have pneumonia? Who knows. Maybe i should have asked, but i have felt
so bad that i really just didn't care. Sigh. But at least the
Pseudovent is working well.

Of course...

...none of the posts i've made by phone worked this whole week.
Sigh...i guess this is just a test.

made it through another day!

Yay.

I am tired of this template. I want to change it.

I want to compile a list of holiday movies (best or worst, I am still deciding). If anyone wants to contribute their faves, let me know.

I am having a craving for egg rolls with a certain type of sweet and sour sauce that a friend used to make. I think they may have put plum wine in it. I think I may try doing this.

After this past weekend, I can now look out my front window and see some really cool Holiday lights (my neighbours cross-the-way are Jewish, and they did holiday lights too, so they are Holiday Lights, not Christmas Lights). I may not have to go driving anywhere at all.

I am still going to go out driving.

When you drape some string of lights that I think Target is selling that are in the shape of a Star of David kinda loosely, it falls in the shape of a cool-ass bat. I have named this The Christmas Bat.

I wish I could name him Foamy, the Christmas Bat. The reference there being, of course, to rabies, but the name 'Foamy' is at-risk of being over-used. Plus, I love Foamy, and wouldna wanna steal his thunder...

Butsoanyway.

My foot feels better, but I am still sick. And I am *sweating*...bwaah!

I have to get up early tomorrow, and can't find it in my heart to tell Karen that I cannot help her any longer on her Final paper.

Auk!

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The sad, sad truth; the dirty low-down…

Oh, am I going to have to make this quick. I am playing trivia, and when it is over in an hour, I am going to BED. I have to get up extra-early to run around with Meg before she leaves on Thursday for aroundabout ten days to finish visiting friends, some relatives, and a pit-stop for gambling. She’s taking Mummers with her for most of it, so I will be in the doldrums holiday-wise for a few days here. I want to go, but I cannot; I have way too much to do here, and even if I promised to work on the road I wouldn’t have enough time. Plus, I am still sick. But a lot has happened, so…here goes:

1) I am STILL sick. I have seven days of antibiotics left, and those things are going to *kill* me. Gah! And I just can’t stop coughing! Well, I can when I drink half a bottle of Robitussin followed by a two-to-four tablespoon Hycodan chaser…

Though I am trying to back off The Juice. No, rilly—I am cutting it with Robitussin as much as I can and still not bring with me the railing, hacking sounds of a TB ward everywhere I go. Well, and at night, when I need to sleep. Diphenhydramine has *nothing* on good old-fashioned opiates, though I keep sticking the two together in my tum to see if maybe Diphenhydramine could pick up a tip or two. Today is Day Seven of my experimentation in the Post-Ingestion Learning Capacities of Pharmaceutical Agents.

I’ll keep you posted.

2) Chrissy’s Issues. Oh, here we go. Okay—Lisa is GONE. As in like disappeared. Lisa was the one who was running Happy Hills Farms, and she said it was hers—her 503c non-profit thingy-thing. Well, it wasn’t. Lise started off as a helper to some other lady who founded Happy Hills, and when that lady moved to some other state, Lise was supposed to just finish adopting out the animals and then wrap everything up and shut down. Well, she didn’t. Lise’s been running business as usual, taking donations, and blah, blah, blah. This all blew up about a month ago—the *real* Happy Hills lady went to go start up her 503c (or whatever it is), and contacted Lise to get her van and stuff back. So Lise stopped answering her phone. Then Lise offered to sell the Happy Hills van to Chrissy for 8k in cash (it is only a couple of years old, and worth way-more than that) ‘cos Lise told Chrissy that she’d decided to get out of the business. So Chrissy borrowed most of the 8k and went out to Lise’s (not knowing ANYTHING about any ‘real’ Happy Hills lady—as far as Chrissy knew, Lisa IS Happy Hills) to get the van, and Lise was acting funny (per Chrissy), and hemming and hawing about the title to the van (saying that she just couldn’t find it anywhere, but she second she did she’d be rushing it over to Chrissy, etc…). And considering Lise had told Chrissy 8k, cash, FIRM, Chrissy had been dreading asking Lise to give her the title without the full amount. Plus, this is very not like Lise—she is very much the kind of person who would tell you to go fuck yourself if you didn’t have the money. So it struck Chrissy as weird (Chrissy told me that she had a VERY weird feeling the whole time, that from the moment Lise opened the door there were bad vibes everywhere), and Chrissy told Lise to find the title, and phone her when she found it.

Then everything blew up.

What I am told is that the real Happy Hills Lady tried to get in touch with Lise, and when Lise stopped answering her phone, Ms Happy Hills phoned around and found out Lise was up and running, and had a space at PetsMart, and so on…so she phoned PetsMart, and PM ended up asking Lise to leave. And I am sure all kinds of other shit is raining down that I am not privy to, but the short of it is that Chrissy is fucked. Chrissy has around sixty of Lise’s cats, and nowhere for them to go, ‘cos there is no more Happy Hills.

At least not here.

And so I went by yesterday (now that I am feeling better) to talk to the new rescue group at what used to be Lise’s PetsMart on behalf of Chrissy. I told the new lady that before Chrissy helped me, I didn’t know crap about ANYTHING, and without Chrissy’s help, I didn’t know where I would be today, as far as this feral colony goes. I mean, sure—I still don’t have Mehitabel, and there are still two kits out there that need to be trapped and fixed in the next week or so, but I HAVE trapped and neutered a bunch from that colony, and I HAVE caught and homed seven of her kittens (not counting the ENTIRE last litter that the other girl at Eviljob caught), and I HAVE re-homed two that weren’t feral at all, but were lost or abandoned pets. Plus, I am only one person and this is an imperfect world, and there is (I have finally accepted) no such thing as a feral rescue group ANYWHERE IN THIS AREA. No one wants feral cats, no one will help adopt out feral cats, feed feral cats, or ANYTHING feral cats…the only reason I have had any help is just because Chrissy and a few other people have been being nice. So it’s Just Me. And I will be re-starting shortly.

Butsoanyway.

So after I convinced New Lady that I wasn’t hitting her up to take feral cats, I tried to talk to her about Chrissy, who is screwed. New Lady said that she might be willing to work out something, but Chrissy would have to help her—submit to a home inspection, and work as a foster mom for a bit while they tried to carousel some of these animals out, ‘cos—catch this—Chrissy is only one of about FIVE or SIX people who have already contacted New Lady, ‘cos Lisa’d stuck them with a shiteload of cats and dogs under the guise of ‘fostering’ them (which translates into warehousing them). So I phoned Chrissy and left a message for her to let her know what’s going on. She is very depressed; she said that for almost a month straight, she’s done nothing but watch TV and cry. When I phoned her she was crying because of something she’d seen on Judge Judy, or whatever; it took her thirty minutes to get the whole story out to me. Plus I got to hear about Judge Judy. This is bad, it’s really bad. I don’t know what is going to happen, but…

Sigh. It will work out somehow. I’ll let you know.

Oh—and—when I went to Eviljob to feed the cats today, I was late (I overslept), and the two remaining kittens were sitting out by where I put the food, waiting for me in meatloaf position. Why do I do this? THAT is why I do this. They believe in me; they have trust in their tiny little furry hearts that I will come and bring food. They need me. God only knows they don’t have anyone or anything else, and the way things are shaping up, they probably never will.

Rhett and Cookie are fine, by the way. I guess with this recent turn of events, I am stuck with them—the only place I had to take them was Lisa’s, where the plan was that I’d pay her $80 each and she’d slip them into a cage at PetsMart, as long as I brought proof of speuter, vaccinations, and negative FIV/FeLV, like she did with the other cats she took from me.

Yes, that *was* the plan…I was kinda hoping they could be Christmas Cats for someone. Only that ‘someone’ is ME. Sigh. S’ok. I love them. :-) And Squooshable loves them, too.

Well, shit…what am I SUPPOSED to do? Drop them back off at Eviljob? They are totally tame and loving pets now. And there’s nowhere for them to go, especially if there’s going to be a glut of pet cats coming in from all of Lisa’s crap. Plus I love them, and they love me—I’m their Mom. Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind. Or Forgotten.

3) With all this happiness afoot, I have to devote a number to the fact that it’s the most wonderful time of the god damned year. And I am making so motherfucking merry that I could just spit.

Or, well, I will. Eventually.

I have put no lights up, I haven’t decorated a damned thing. I feel like I have been in a holding pattern, waiting for something to end before I can get started with this merriment thing. And seriously, now—I make my own merriment. I mean, something goes wrong EVERY FREAKING YEAR. Every year. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is? Gang aft agley my ass; every year it’s like a damn free-for-all to see how stressed and strung out I can get, how much running around I can be made to do, and so on. If a fiasco is going to go down, it’s going to go down right in the middle of my farkety Holiday Season. And, might I remind you, that I am supposed to be like, happily married by now? Uhhh…yeah.

Now, I have managed two rather ok outings recently, but…that isn’t the point. And I don’t know if I am going to be up for any future outings. So anyway…

My point is that I am really becoming violently miserable, and here a goodly chunk of my family is abandoning me for the god damned holidays. Well, sort-of. Okay, they *say* they’ll be back by the 22^nd (or whenever), but…whatever. I am completely out of holiday ideas. I am dry. Done. Kaput.

So here’s the holiday plan: I am going to go drive around and look at Christmas lights. This week. I might even take Squooshable with me. I am going to go look for houses that can be seen from Frogstar World B, and those that look like they have merely been invaded by radioactive spiders. And then, once I am off the damned antibiotics, I am going to watch stupid movies on the Hallmark Channel and probably get drunk.

Oh, yes... There will be egg nog.

Butsoanyway. Enough of my misery.

4) Number four was really number three before I went and got all distracted. It has to do with the fact that I can start off looking at Christmas lights on my own street, seeing as how the U-Haul tricks arrived today. Yes, U-Haul. A neighbour up the street brings U-Haul trucks (usually two small ones, occasionally one medium one) every year to unload the Christmas decorations. The whole family comes out, or over, and by Sunday evening, it’s up.

Well, it’s up.

This year they have polar bears, igloos, see-saws, lights framing the lawn, driveway, and the outline of the house, two Santas on the roof, and at least two snow globe blowy things. Plus some other stuff I am surely forgetting. It’s awesome. Although I haven’t decided if I like it or not.

5) I have forgotten what number five is and the game is over, so I am just going to sleep. G’night.

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Ow.

Ok. I did get my crap in, and have one last thing to do before i am
done-done for the semester. I really hurt my foot on Wednesday. I
don't know what i did, but i did something. It is swollen, and feels
really gross. Sigh. So on Thursday, i skipped out on the convention
completely, which turned out to not be a bad thing, cos that was when
my foot swelled up. So i worked non-stop on that one paper instead,
and then finished it off today. I even had Harry drop off food for the
parking lot cats when he came by to pick up my cable box and go get a
new one for me (the tv schedule had stopped showing up--Meg was the
one who noticed the other day when she came over to, of course, watch
poker). If you can believe it, i am *still* wheezing. And i would do
something about my foot, but i an just too exhausted, so i just
wrapped it, and am going to take 800 mg ibuprofen every 8 hrs until i
have more energy, or it goes away. Yes, that's the plan. Ignoring
things does so too work sometimes. Uh-huh. It do.

G'night.

fahr'n, fahr'n, fahr'n...

Had to drive out to a week-long conference-y convention-y thing today that I had up til now been successfully ignoring.  It wasn't too bad, but in between parking out in East Egypt and going to everyone's booth and talk, I probably walked farking twenty miles today.  And I am still sick as crap, having uncontrolled coughing spasms, and breaking out into spontaneous sweats and stuff. 

Glammy. 

I have to go tomorrow also.  And that's *after* putting in face time at Eviljob, running over to Job 2 for a quickie meeting, and driving ALL THE WAY the crap back over to the convention.  Before one p.m..

Yeah, I am really interested to see how that is going to work out, also.

Not to mention the fact that I *still* have a paper due that I need to work on.  And I need to fit eating in there at some point, 'cos taking this new antibiotic twice on an empty stomach today really was miserable.  :-P  It burns, gives me acid reflux, and I have to taste it for a few hours before I got to a part of the exhibit hall that had candy, then there was a small reception with snacks.  Gah.  Without that, I might not have made it back out to my car...parked in East Egypt.

And I am a sextuple moron for having worn heels today; the top of my left foot is *killing* me, but I guess I deserve it...having to hike all the way out to East Egypt (after having walked from there, and all over the Convention Centre at least five times) in heels and wearing a few pieces of good jewellery and a farking business suit (making me look like Ms Prime Mugging Target, I am sure), I had at least two guys behind me who I think came out of a medical convention next to ours (but I try to never assume), and were walking relatively quietly behind all the way out to East Egypt (which made me nervous), so I kept my walking at a fast, 'power walking' pace...which sure, made me look all confident, but really tore the fuck out of the top of my left foot, for some reason.  Like that little indentation on top right before your toes start--the part that is opposite the porky padding on the bottom?  Yeah--that feels like it is burning.  Owwy.

Ok...I have to get to sleep.  I would take a couple extra swigs of my codeine cough syrup, but that didn't help me sleep last night--I stayed awake the whole night, just thinking about random things in a freely-associating kind of way, kind of like a waking dream that didn't make a whole lot of sense.  Sigh.  Why is it that when I take it during the day, it makes me want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep?  huh? 

Oh, and--funny, but here I am driving home from the convention, swilling cough syrup laced with narcotics ('cos I had to go the whole day trying not to talk spontaneously or too much, because I couldn't drink enough cough syrup to help without getting plowed), hoping no police car drives up beside me (boy, I wouldn't even know where to start with *that* explanation, considering that my car is currently a repository for some pretty weird things that are part of our sensing suite at Job 2 that need to be unloaded, but I haven't gotten around to doing it yet, and this includes dummy heads, plus a big-ass 12-lb. bag of cat food and a small trap), and jetzt schalten wir das Radio an/Aus dem Lautsprecher klingt es dann Robert Christgau (sorry, I just couldn't resist), extolling the virtues of...Crunk.  I actually thought I was hallucinating that one at first (this is some really rocking cough syrup), but maybe he's just trying to be relevant or something.  Or maybe he's on cough syrup, too.  Who knows?  I for one never saw that coming, but then there'd be those who wouldn't have been expecting to see me getting wasted off cough syrup in my car on the highway, listening to NPR, and agreeing not only with Christgau that Crunk could suck worse, but also agreeing that Crunk sounds better when you are pretty fucking wasted on cough syrup and driving on the freeway.  :-)  The whole world is going to Hell.  All of it.  Pack your bags.

No, rilly.

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I *told* you I was sick.

Okay, so I broke down today and went back to my doctor. As a result, I am *back* on antibiotics, but now we have added steroids, an albuterol inhaler, and codeine cough syrup. We're holding off on anything else until my check-up to see if Less is Better and my immune system will kick the butt of everything else once the bacterial infection is reduced or eliminated. I have managed to pick up BOTH a viral and bacterial infection (including a middle ear infection that I have had since the last time about a month ago...yes, I will be better about going to check-ups), my nose and ears are totally clogged (it sounds like I have a panzer division marching in my ears), I only stop sneezing when I start coughing (and vice versa), and I have a sinus headache that would down a rhino.

That was an attempt at humour.

Meg says I caught it 'cos I let Squooshable (cutest bunny-butt in the world) and Rhett Butler (most co-dependent cat on Earth) kiss me around my mouth. To which I reply that (1) no, I didn't, (2) I didn't teach them to do that, they were born doing it, and (3) it might hurt their feelings if I stopped them at this point. And then Meg said that I obviously caught the ear infection from Squooshable, and so I hung up on her. :-) One can't just go saying mean things about other people's squooshables, you know? And as I am sitting in my doctor's waiting room dying, Harry phoned to tell me that he was at Ye Olde Computer Shoppe 'cos his C drive bit the dust (although Harry has two other drives), and would I 'lend' (those are ironic quotes, chirrin) him the money to fix it.

Sigh.

Harry just finished typing a bunch of stuff for my mother (Mummers has a project; she is writing a book, and asked me to type up some text and tables, and I in turn dumped it on Harry 'cos he has more free time, follows directions well, and needs the money...which I am paying him; Mom--of course--does't pay me). So I said that I would pay for the repairs, then I got talked into it being on *top* of what I had promised to pay him for the work. Sigh. Fine.

And a little while ago, someone emailed me to ask if I take care of the parking lot cats every day, so let me mention here that I did feed them on the way to the doctor, and they are fine. :-) I feed them practially every day (I miss maybe one or two days a month at the most), I put down large piles when I do (that should hold them at least 24 hours), and there are, as much as it is distressing to think about, birds, squirrels, and other things in the woods right beside Eviljob (I mean literally within one minute's walking distance, we have The Forest Primaeval--it borders our parking lot all around three sides almost), plus lizards and crickets in the parking lot itself (plus the birds and squirrels that hang out in the parking lot). So they definitely don't starve. But I just wanted to mention since I am thinking about it that if I don't mention it, I did do it.

I have two more things to accomplish (one of which is urgent), and equipment set-up all this week (we {Job 2} just bought some new cool-ass sensing equipment), so I don't know where I am going to find the time to do the urgent thing. Bwaah! Add to that the fact that I am EXHAUSTED, and, well...this is going to be a fun week. And I will be up late tonight working, and have to get up at five a.m.. Yay.

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Yet more Holiday Sap!

Before we start, check this out: How would a dog decorate a Christmas Tree?

Funny, hmmm? :-)

Ok; now back to our regularly scheduled post in which I whine not once (past this point) about how bad I feel, or how much stuff I have to do before I can quit doing. This is a break.

One little spark
Of inspiration
Is at the heart, ha, ha!
Of all creation
Right at the start
Of everything that's new,
One little spark
Lights up for you!
Two tiny wings
Eyes big and yellow
Horns of a steer
What a lovable fellow!
From head to tail,
He's royal purple pigment
And there, Voila!
You've got a Figment!

This is pure Christmas Awesomeness!

A Season for Miracles

Off Season

Thank you, sappy-assed Hallmark Channel! You truly have saved my Holiday Season, and you have inspired me to make up my own list of holiday movies. I just haven't decided whether it will be a list of Best Holiday Movies, or Best Worst Holiday Movies. I'm a bit of a newbie to BWHMs, so I may just make a list of BHMs for now. If I haven't spiralled down into a holiday funk and killed myself by next year, I may be up to tackle BWHMs, thanks solely to your tutelage.



What I want to know is how you do it? How do you do it, Hallmark Channel? How do you manage to keep coming up with new plots which revolve around what is essentially the same story over and over? Single lady, usually with kids, meets guy; they fall in love, but they don't realise it (or at least one of them doesn't). She has more problems than one could shake a stick at. No, rilly--you couldn't. You'd shake your stick, and the problems, feeling there was safety in numbers, would just look at you and say, 'whuut?'.

But back to our recipe: Then chaos ensues. There is at least one misunderstanding, usually more, and then it all gets worked out just in time for a blissful Christmas Eve. And all the while, at least the lady or the gent (and sometimes both) are displaying enough behavioural problems (e.g., pathological lying, theft, failure to conform to the demands of reality) that were it up to me, I would remand them to some psychiatric hospital for observation. Or at least tell my son or daughter to steer clear of them. And despite her obvious emotional imbalance(s) Our Heroine doesn't even sleep with Our Hero. I mean, one would *think* that as screwed up as she is, she'd be all over him like white on rice, but no. Our Heroine may be FUBAR, but she's no ho. She may be a widowed, unemployed, homeless felon, fleeing from The Law and hiding out in FAO Schwartz over Christmas with her one (possibly two, but no more than three) cute-as-a-button child(ren), but hooker she is not! And if Bob The Store Manager wants to get anywhere with her, well...you're just going to have to put a ring on her finger, bub!

Or Bob, rather.

Butsoanyway.

And it is the same story, over and over.

And no--I am decidedly not paying a left-handed compliment; I truly and sincerely admire that ability, much as I admire the authors over at Harlequin and Silhouette, not that I can bear to read them. But I do stand in absolute awe--it is really, truly, astonishingly amazing, and if I were only similarly talented, I'd spend a lot less time making my imagination brain cells work overtime. Again--not being sarcastic, just making an observation.

Ancodia's Inbox

Ok; I am back from kitty-feeding, and I just got this:

I wonder--what kind of a vase would you use to display those?

I wonder if they come in different colors!

I wonder about the fragrance!

I wonder if it would help to put those preservative packets in the water!

I wonder whether they would look better on the kitchen table or in the entry!

I wonder if they are cheaper by the dozen!

I wonder if they come in long-stemmed!

Captured at 115th and Allisonville Road in Fishers (Indianapolis.) The sign is real and was up for about two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell 'peonies'.

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