As a side note, if you are a Cali-Liberal Pinhead, you are pissing me off. I am sick of Your Kind. You are in desperate need of medication, therapy, an actual goal in Life, and a swift kick in the ass.
And not necessarily in that order.
From the Daily Mail:
Doctors order Santa to go on a diet
Father Christmas is at risk of serious illness because of his bulging waistline and needs to cut down on the mince pies, doctors warned today.
A survey of shopping centre Santas in Scotland revealed an average waist size of 47 inches - seven inches more than is considered safe.
Dr Miles Fisher, consultant physician at Glasgow Royal Infirmary said: "The image of Santa is of a round, jolly person and it is meant to be one of hilarity but if you have obesity around your tummy, then it is very bad for you.
"Before, we thought it was just not good to be overweight but now we know that having fat around your middle is particularly bad.
"That fat produces hormones, which have been associated with heart disease and other conditions."
According to health guidelines, having a waist circumference of more than 40 inches for men or 35 inches for women is a key indicator of abdominal obesity.
It is associated with a greater risk of heart disease or type 2 diabetes. And people who have rounder stomachs, known as "central obesity", are more at risk than people who are merely overweight.
Perhaps Santa should consider cutting back on the sherry as well.
Lord god almighty...SANTA IS A SYMBOL OF CHRISTMAS. SANTA CLAUS IS A FICTIONAL PERSON (apologies if this is news to you), A HOLIDAY TROPE, A WHOLLY-INVENTED CHARACTER. What retard would actually think that Santa might serve as a role model that we should be concerned with how fat he is? What humourless asshole would make such a stretch to further their own agenda? Santa is a jolly old fat man. Get the fuck OVER it. Quit over-analysing everything and taking even the lamest opportunity to stand up on a soapbox for your own personal issues; it is okay for Santa to be fat *and* good. Rilly. If you disagree, SEEK HELP, because YOU HAVE PROBLEMS.
And I really blame the Cali-Liberal Pinheads, 'cos it is just like them to obsess over how fat Santa is; I bet they are drafting petitions as I type. Lobbying to change the way Santa is depicted for the Common Good, ignoring the fact that they could re-direct their efforts a tad and do something that actually NEEDS TO BE DONE--like getting rid of high fructose corn syrup in commonly-ingested foodstuffs, for example. Because god only knows that Santa is too White, too fat, tries to buy friends because of his low self-esteem, and appears to have an unnatural and disturbing affinity for children. Let's get him the fuck out of here. I mean, really; clearly he's offensive, ethnocentric, and numbs children to the grooming behaviours of paedophiles.
I think we should have some buff twenty-year old Hispanic Santa who spreads the word to children (whilst keeping them at arm's length, of course) to eat veggies and not let Bad People touch them in their bathing suit areas. And he should only give out apples and health club memberships.
And he *must* be happily-married. Or better yet, gay--but in a committed state-sanctioned relationship. Or--there you go--gay and MARRIED. And his Mr Santa should be an older man, so as not to give NAMBLA any footing. We need to get rid of the elves, too--they look child-like because of their size and that also just *screams* paedophilia, plus this whole 'elf' thing is clearly an effort by The Man to keep migrant workers down by making their plight appear elf-like.
Or something.
Santa should hand out organic apples hand-picked by industrious communes of homeschooled vegans who have entered into a cooperative voluntarily, and not only receive monetary compensation which averages out to ten times the minimum wage per hour, but also have full medical, dental, and vision benefits, as well as access to the 'alternative' healthcare of their choosing. And this whole operation needs to be moved to some country that can benefit from the influx of jobs.
And we'd better hurry up and change all this before some group gets...::drum roll::...*offended*.
BWAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This reminds me of that recent failed marketing attempt with milk. They ('They' being The Man, man) removed cookie-scented strips from bus shelters because (1) people might be allergic, and (2) it might 'offend' homeless people, 'cos they can't afford cookies.
Just shoot me.
How about this:
(1) if you are really *that* allergic, you probably aren't out walking around in public. You are probably in some plastic bubble in some hospital, wishing someone would slip you a knife so that you could cut yourself the fuck out of there and die happy at a bus stop, smelling fucking cookies, free for the first time in your pathetic life. And if you *are* that allergic and out in public, guess what? You are (a) in the minority, (b) probably fully aware of what triggers your allergies and have methods to counteract/compensate...which includes just walking away, and (c) hopefully clued in to the fact that, although it is nice when your needs are considered, the world does not revolve around you; it never has, and it never will. The world will also not wait for you if you fall behind, and it won't wipe your butt if you crap yourself. Get used to it. If you don't understand that, you not only have allergies, you have intractable stupidity. You do not have the right to dictate to other people what they can and cannot do--only yourself. Cope.
(2) How about giving cookies to the homeless? That would be a really NICE thing to do. Give them milk, too. Or donate some money so that the charities that care for these poor people's needs on a daily basis can go buy them milk and cookies. And maybe some rehabilitation, and/or a safe place to stay so that they can get their bearings in Life back again. This 'if you didn't bring enough for the whole class, you can't have any either' mentality is RETARDED. The 'Whole Class' is the WORLD, moron. And you believe in Playground Justice, which is really pathetic. Get over it--in life some people have, and some don't, and the large majority of those that have don't give a crap about those that don't, be it human, animal, or societal. If you are feeling guilty over what you have, give to someone or something that doesn't have, and quit whining about how you want to eat your cookies in secret and not have to share with the homeless, you pathetic fucktard.
Ummm...I think I am feeling stress aftershocks.
I'll be okay. Really.
.
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