ok...I am better.

No, rilly.  Things will get better.  I had a little bit of upheaval a few months ago, and am still, well, acclimating.  I had to make a decision over whether I wanted to stay doing what I have been doing, research-wise, in which case I needed to make it my career, or forge ahead and aim for doing what I *want* to do, which is not doing Job 2 stuff.  So I have occasional freak-outs.  Hopefully, they will pass.  Eventually. 

In better news, this means that I am back on track, after a small delay that actually was a decent CV-builder.  So yay.  I...well...

I hate transitions.  HATE transitions. 

I like things when they are comfortable, predictable...and even if there's a little upset in there, it's expected upset.  Mostly.  On the other hand, as I have once again demonstrated, I have no problem with 'pulling the trigger', as it were.  Now I just have to deal with the residual fear stuff. 

And I have to admit, my department has been more than accommodating; I have had some very nice assignments and opportunities.  If they wanted to be bitter, or petty, this was the prime opportunity...but they haven't been.  Considering that I ditched a position similar to those that have waylaid others, I guess someone has to have an appreciation of what I am going through.  Not that I have an easy time of discussing it; no one wants to hear my kvetching, I know. 

I am also getting a few clinical classes, which adds to my diversity, and that is good; I could only hope to add pure Philosophy classes (as in different department), and that is not going to happen in the immediate future.  I've had a few comments about being out of my element with the Clinical aspect, to which I can only say that were the day-to-day not so fucking boring, I might have actually gone that route; I'm like god (were there to be a god, that is) -- I love people, and am fascinated by them...from a distance.  But seriously, as a child, I read straight clinical/psychiatry (from the Freuds to Minski's; the theorists were Mummers' contribution, and the DSM/Minski's and so on was my father's).  It's all actually quite fascinating, done properly...which is something in which most snowflakes aren't the least bit interested.  Or me either, in a day-to-day sense.  zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

...so back to the present. 

I am ok with the clinical, ok with the personality, ok with the cognitive, ok with all the general/basic/intro (natch).  I am just not thrilled at the moment, because of the ginormous cut in pay, but I had to do it.  It had to be done, and I put it all off for as long as I could. 

I am actually doing well at conserving, and am cutting corners all over.  Yay.  It just sucks.  And what sucks more is that my recruitment pool for our current studies is now 100% volunteer, as opposed to the compelled volunteering I enjoyed at Job 2 (or, as I called it, 'compelled-ly volunteering'; it sounds so much nicer than 'Soviet Volunteer System').  I am revisiting my dream of importing from Romanian orphanages. 

Sigh. 

I have to get to sleep.