Welcome back, Weirdass.

I know that it's been a while since I wrote anything, but things have been nuts! I'm still so totally not-done with a project that is so totally quite-due. I just haven't been able, once school started back, to justify the time for myself. Well, I'm demanding a second or two right now. Long overdue. :-)

Before school started up, I went to the in-the-flesh Binion's Poker Thingy in Tunica. Ok, so that's not the real name, and if I weren't typing like a madwoman, I'd take a sec and look it up; I think it's like, an Open, or something. I mainly went there as a spectator/companion, though I did play a couple of satellites! It was cool! I had fun, and the place had enough rather interesting guys to look at, enough to keep me occupied, at least.

I've probably not mentioned that I'm a pathetic sucker for a poker face, eh? Makes me dearly miss and fondly remember a former bf--that was his major appeal, I realized after scrutinizing. The only thing is, he didn't play poker; he played baseball. So I guess that makes it a "game face", but whatever. Enough--at least this second, there's more to come--about the speedbumps in my sex life, or expression thereof. :-)

After school started, things fairly blew up. Sigh. That one coworker I'd mentioned before as being a true blue yadda yadda did the "revealing his true self" thing. Sigh. They all do. In retrospect, I should have known. In a nutshell, he was being a little instigator. When it got found out...drum roll...he quit. To be expected, but I was surprised anyway. He just made up some pathetic bullcrap excuse, and quit, all in one day. At least I didn't make the mistake of actually delivering any of his numerous complaints to my manager, like he wanted me to do. Nopers, Ancodia isn't *that* dumb...at least that time. :-)

I will catch up later on everything else. I've missed posting. A lot. This gives me someplace to vent anonymously, and I've realized that I really, really need that. Whether anyone reads this or not, that fact that I'm (1) taking time for myself, (2) explaining and expressing Me, and (3) to a certain extent getting out some of the emotions I have--both good and bad--so that they don't well up inside like they always do--all are good reasons. I'm glad I'm back. :-)

That having all been said, it occurred to me today in class (an especially long and--forgive me, Professor; you really are one of my favourites--boring one) while I was fighting off the microsleeps (is too a word...well, it is without the pluralization, at least) that guys, when they are sleepy, are awfully cute.

I have a bad habit. When I'm sitting somewhere, particularly in class, and feel myself nodding off, I look around to see if I am the only one. Not that it ultimately makes a difference if I am, but...I don't know. Sleepiness loves company? Anyway, so I was falling asleep today, and I did my usual looking. And wouldn't you know; the guy that is sort-of across from me is doing the heavy-eyelid thing, closing them...staying closed...he's asleep! No! Back open! And then...going down...slowly...slowly...

"Damn, he's cute," I thought. Not just a little cute, either. He's the "I'd love to trace the outline of your lips with my tongue and work my way down" kind of cute. He's totally gorgeous, in an awe-inspiring kind of way that I can almost feel brushing across my lips, in a way that...

Wait a damn minute, I think to myself.

I don't like this guy.

That's not to say that I *dislike* him. I don't. I just don't *like* him. Not *that* way. He's ok; that's all. I've known him (through classes) for well over a year, talked to him a bunch, and until now...nothing. Really; not even a casual "wonder what you look like undressed" fleeting kind of half-thought. He's Just A Guy, as far as I've been concerned. Up 'til now, I've not suffered from any kind of urge to lick, suck, and kiss all over his person whatsoever. What in the hell is going on?

He looks cute when he's sleepy.

Now how dumb is that? As an experiment--one that also had the added benefit of keeping me awake--I looked around again. Through the marvels of imagination, I realized that a vast majority of the guys in my class, Professor included, would look cuter if they were falling asleep. A few of them not-so-much. A few of them dangerously so. See? Everything really *does* fall on a bell-shaped curve! Kidding, kidding. Ok--dumb joke.

Now what in the hell am I supposed to make out of this particular little paraphilia of mine? Ok, ok...it hasn't been six months yet, but still. What does this say about me? Moreover, what could be done about it? Get a boyfriend and a bottle of cough syrup?!? I mean, geez...

"Sweetheart, if you love me, you'll take the Rohypnol..." Oh, yeah; I can see it now.

So here I am now, after class, preoccupied with what in the hell is wrong with me, instead of doing my work.

Sigh. And here I am now, not ten seconds after writing that last line, feeling guilty over wasting time, getting to work.

Pfffffffffffttttttttttt.