Friday, November 04, 2005

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.


What the hell to do about humanity…isn’t that always the question?

I am actually kind-of good only.  I had something happen today that made me feel good at first, but it was at someone else’s expense, so I ended up sort of feeling bad and wishing I could go back and re-contribute a different half to the interaction, if only because I am a sucker-assed wimp who really in her heart hates to see *anyone* hurt, even if they deserved it.  And damn, did they deserve it.  

I like thinking that I am a Force of Nature sometimes.  It makes things like this easier, having that point of view that you are just the reaction to someone else’s action, and you could have been seventy million different people walking down seventy million different streets, and the same thing would have come of our protagonist.  

If you are a Force of Nature, you do not get to be a protagonist, also; you’re just scenery, like a tree branch that smacks someone in the face ‘cos that is what tree branches sometimes do, in accordance with Nature’s Plan.  

I like thinking that there is some Natural Law that demands that most stupid people will get what’s coming eventually—it makes me feel better about not beating them to death myself.  :-)  Belief in this kind of makes up for the fact that, like a deprived child, I can’t just warm my cockles with the thought of them being relegated to some nonexistent Hell just ‘cos they are stupid and annoying.  

Which, really, if you think about it, is some pretty strong evidence for the human origins of the Bible.  I mean, think about it:  If you were God—A God, *ANY* God—wouldn’t your very first exhortation to Your Flock be something along the lines of, “Thou art forbidden to be intentionally stupid, mean, rude, and/or lazy.  Persist, and I will smite the fuck out of you.”  Well?  If there’s a more important and urgent message, I’d like to know what it is.  All the bunny-hugging crap really takes a back seat, especially since my way implies a duty of individual accountability, and we all know how important that is.

But I digress.  …constantly.  ;-)

So I have a need to absolve myself of responsibility for things that aren’t my responsibility anyway by pretending that I am a Force of Nature.  Or perhaps maybe I really am one, kind of like we all are at times.  Or maybe this is like when a kid tries to avoid their parents’ horrible arguments by pretending to be a dinosaur.  Dinosaurs are big and mean, and can smite the fuck out of damn near anything they want to, typically.  

Well, being a dinosaur works for when you want to smite the fuck out of someone until you are old enough to think up the being a Force of Nature excuse.  After that, I guess you just decide that you *are* god maybe, and do your smiting yourself; it’s like a constant progression.  Or it could just be a continuum from immaturity to psychosis.  :-)  

Yeah, I lost track of what I was saying, too.  I dunno.  

So I am trying to decide if I feel guilty or not.  Or, really, if the feelings of guilt that I do have are legitimate or not.  

Heh.  

Probably I will eventually decide no.  

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