Ancodia: Look at this: CAT TRAP
Harry: Ok
Ancodia: well, could you build it?
Harry: Easy--15 minutes
Ancodia: Do you know where I could get a 5-gallon bucket like that?
Ancodia: The white bucket doesn't come with it.
Harry: Any Home Depot. It’s a common paint bucket, they sell them new for about $3
Ancodia: Oh, ok--HD sells them empty and clean, or with paint in them?
Harry: What does brand new mean to you?
Ancodia: It could be brand new, with paint in it!
Harry: 5 gallons of paint for $3
Ancodia: But I don't *want* the paint--I want just the empty, clean bucket.
Harry: Come on Ancodia, you’re making my brain hurt
Ancodia: Can I just buy the empty, clean bucket?
Ancodia: Or not?
Harry: Of course. You’re not this dumb; it’s an empty new clean bucket, now stop
Ancodia: Re-read what you wrote, and tell me how I am supposed to know that it has no paint in it. Jesus Jumping Christ.
Ancodia: But you could build it ok?
Ancodia: Can you make it so that the screws that attach the bucket to the top part don't poke inside, so no animal will be hurt?
Harry: you can't buy 5 gal of paint for $3 you cant even buy a quart for that
Ancodia: I AM A GIRL. HOW IN THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW MUCH PAINT COSTS?????????? You don't know how much Bobbie Brown lipstick costs, do you? Huh?
Harry: it doesn’t really work like that but if it’s a concern I will use cap nuts. Do you know what they are?
Ancodia: Uhhh...duh...no. See above comment.
Harry: I know your lipstick costs more than $3
Ancodia: And I don't need to know what cap nuts are; I just want to know that they won't be pokey.
Harry: Let me handle it, you just buy it. You know it will have to stand up to catch her, right?
Ancodia: They could sell generic HD white paint for cheap! How in the hell do you know they don't? How am *I* supposed to know that? Maybe it's like, cheap defective paint! It could be last year’s colours, or something! Who the fuck knows?
Ancodia: What do you mean, ‘stand up’?
Harry: Stop, just stop. You’re not even funny
Harry: did you look at the pictures?
Ancodia: I am not trying to be funny, I am being serious. You do this all the time and assume I know what you mean.
Ancodia: What pictures?
Harry: At the bottom w/ the directions.
Ancodia: I sort-of looked at them.
Ancodia: I figured it would be easier for you to look at them.
Harry: Look at the third picture, the one w/ the cat. The bucket sits straight up, not on its side
Ancodia: No, it lies on its side so the animals can walk in.
Harry: No, then a cat could roll away! Look at the picture
Harry: You want her to jump in, she will never walk in.
Ancodia: No, the frame around the front part keeps that from happening—it is squared-off.
Harry: But she won’t set off the button that has to have weight put on it.
Harry: You didn’t really look, did you?
Ancodia: GAH! Try reading! You put the food behind the plate-thingy, and she pulls the plate thingy to get at the food.
Harry: No, if you put the food under the plate thingy the trap won’t close!
Ancodia: Yes, it will--look at the very top-most picture, with all the cartoon animals walking in. That's how it's set.
Harry: Yes, for small animals and cartoon animals, but cats are bigger and smarter. it will catch on her tail she will back out
Ancodia: BWAAH! Take a look at it! It's too long to catch her tail if you use a 5-gallon bucket!
Harry: A 5 gallon bucket is 18" high
Ancodia: ...exactly how long do you think a cat's tail is?
Harry: How about body and tail and head? Go measure one.
Ancodia: The trap part goes on top of the bucket, making it even longer, too.
Ancodia: You're talking about one long-ass motherfucking snake cat, dude.
Harry: No! It fits in the bucket.
Harry: IN IN IN!
Ancodia: That's what I'm saying!! GAHD!!! The cat will fit in the bucket!
Harry: Not when it’s on its side. Chrissy's were a good 24 to 30 inches
Ancodia: Chrissy’s were around 30" +, and look at the damn picture--the trpa part doesn't go all the way in.
Ancodia: trap part.
Ancodia: You're upsetting me and making me type poorly, you wiener.
Harry: That’s why it has to stand up so when the cat JUMPS in they trip the lever, not walk past it
Harry: That’s it; I will never buy you tools, ever .
Ancodia: Fer chrissake--LOOK AT THE PIC WITH THE KITTY IN THE BUCKET! That's a
Harry: You’re going to catch a bunch of squirrels.
Ancodia: Look at the pic in the snow! IT DOESN'T sit upright! BWAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ancodia: afk to pound my head against a wall.
Harry: The pic of the cat is sitting upright! Why do you think that is? A better pose maybe?
Ancodia: Uh, DUH! How else can you see the cat fits in the bucket?
Ancodia: There's a possum right above that! Exactly how high do you think a possum can jump??? Do you think that possum just FLEW in there???
Ancodia: They have short little possum legs; I know 'cos I've seen them on Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas. They cannot jump high enough to go into the trap if it is sitting upright.
Harry: They are fat and bulky, and can’t maneuver like a cat! Just do what you want. Order the trap, and I will build it .
Ancodia: Ok. That was all I wanted to know. Thank you.
Harry: we’re not trying to catch a possum are we?
Ancodia: Fitz, you have my word of honour--if I set the trap upright and catch a kangaroo-possum, I will give it to you for free. You can sell it to the circus, and I won’t claim rights to one red cent.
Ancodia: Jackass.
Ancodia: You can have first dibs on any snake-cats I catch, too.
Harry: But if you set it on its side, the un-kangaroo possum will walk in and lock the cat out.
Ancodia: BWAAH!
Ancodia: SHUT UP!
Ancodia: SHUT UP NOW!
Ancodia: STOP TYPING WORDS!
Harry: :))
Harry: :-*
Ancodia: lol
Harry: So you finally figured it out?
Ancodia: Figured what out?
Harry: That the trap has to be right side up! Hello, McFly?
Ancodia: No, it lies on its side! Look at the top pic and the pic in the snow!
Harry: Not and catch a cat, god dammit!
Ancodia: AUUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Harry: Squirrels, possum, stupid students, yes / cats, no!
Ancodia: NO.
Harry: ?
Ancodia: IT LIES ON ITS SIDE. **READ THE INSTRUCTIONS** The animal closes the door by PULLING on the lever thing to get at the food.
Ancodia: Just shoot me.
Harry: Tempting.
Ancodia: ...you're supposed to be the mechanically-inclined one.
Ancodia: And no more talking about kangaroo-possums and snake-cats.
Ancodia: Look at the fricking RACCOON! Raccoons DON'T JUMP!
Harry: I am mechanically inclined, so much so that I wonder if I can fit you in the bucket- on its side and full of cheap paint.
Ancodia: Talking to you should involve hazard pay.
Harry: Which is why it’s on its side. Cats do jump, hence jump onto the bucket, see the food, jump inside, spring the lever, latch the door w/ their tail in the trap w/ them
Ancodia: I should be required by OSHA to wear safety goggles when I talk with you, or something.
Ancodia: NO! NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Harry: Why would you wear goggles? you sure as hell don't follow any other directions and you think I believe you would follow OSHA’s?
Harry: Well?
Ancodia: Kiss my fuzzy butt.
Harry: Move your fuzzy nose.
Ancodia: Would you do a favour for me?
Harry: yes
Ancodia: The company has an 800-number. Phone them and ask.
Harry: ok
…
Harry: Ok, he said it can go either way, but on its side is probably better. But he said that I am right because on its side you will catch a lot of squirrels and raccoons.
Ancodia: Would you do another favour for me?
Harry: Yes
Ancodia: Shut up.
Harry: You just hate it when I am right.
Ancodia: Yeah, that's it exactly. Thanks & bye.
Harry: No problem.
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