24-hrs full of nothing

I spent the whole day at Eviljob, another group (the infamous Team B; different facility, different state) already had a better plan than ours, and This Guy who Thinks He's Funny shot rubber bands at me for an hour. He's a poor man's Gino; kinda reminds me of Nosmo King, if I'm remembering my Carmen Sandiego correctly, though ironically, our Nosmo smokes. Finally, I had to laugh.

It was laugh, or kill him.

I'm glad he gets paid more than me (at least since my job change) for this crap. Sigh. I need to get this whole MO thing over so I can focus on Eviljob; I'm starting to sweat. But that's just me. I'm not in danger...yet.

He was nice enough (nice?) to share a cigarette or three today, at least. I'm not taking it back up...I'm just stressed beyond recognition and I enjoyed the company outside, even if he is a major Gino goof; he's a nice person. Even if it involves the slaughter of himself and Ancodias.

God, I am such a hypocrite, aren't I?

My sister's off in another city at a friend's wedding. She left this morning; I hope she's safe. I worry because she's not as...I don't know; street-smart as I am, is the best way I can put it. I watch people and things too much; she watches them not at all. But that's partly my fault, because she's younger than I am, and as she was growing up I did a lot of her watching for her. So whenever she goes off, I worry. She's not like me; she's a cute blonde, and looks sweet. I just wish she'd call or something, but when she was younger I gave her a shitty example; I would routinely leave home for days and weeks on end with no word to anyone once my father left the home. It's only fair that such actions should come back to bite me on the ass, said the judge. :-) Ok--not the best outlook attitude-wise, but the most realistic and honest one. I'm a bad example. It's poetic justice, irony, whatever you want to call it, that I now have to be the one to worry. When (if) I ever have a daughter, it will be just rewards for me to sit and wring my hands and picture her dead. If my mother and I had a better relationship, I'd try apologising.

I'm exhausted. Almost too tired to worry. And George Noory's back on his spooky EVP kick. I think he needs therapy; he sounds a little too excited about (odds-are) faked ghost voices.

But one of his rejoins was this song from like, when I was a child; I have no idea what the name of it is or anything like that, but when the rejoin came on, it kind of took me by surprise. I'm sure that happens to people a lot, if they're paying attention or open to it, so I don't think it's "paranormal" (I'm required to party-poop, as it were, considering the topic and the fact that I'm a Skeptic). But it's that thing where you hear a song, or see a painting, photograph, or maybe even someone with a particular shirt on, or their hair a certain way, and all of the sudden, you're like, "I've seen this before," in a kind of non-deja vu way. Most of your time is spent trying to place it, and you get all of these extra memories that you didn't know you had. Well, this song was definitely from a long time ago. From what I'm remembering around it, I was probably five to seven years old, I think. I'm trying to put a definite upper and lower bound on it to maybe jar a title or something, and gauging my guesstimate on the car I in which I remember driving with my mother, as well as a friend the song peripherally reminds me of. I've been a music junkie all of my life, and different songs have all kinds of different emotions and images tied to them...it's hard to explain. But it's not impossible that I do have the name or something that would help me identify it tucked away somewhere, even within those bounds; I've pulled musical stuff out from back then before--it's one thing that does give some credence to the Behaviourists' idea of chaining. And I know this is all based on personal and anecdotal evidence, and I'm hardly claiming it'll be borne out for everyone; sometimes it doesn't even work for me. But now I have this...earworm? And what's even more irritating is that I just heard a good minute or so of the song, and I can't remember any of the words! Stupid here was too busy thinking (or not-thinking, rather) to take note of the words! What a dipshit. I can't even help myself...see?

Butsoanyway.

So why am I, as an agnostic skeptic, wasting my time listening to Coast to Coast AM? For a lot of reasons. When I take long drives, I listen to anything--books on tape (well, cd), NPR, George and Art, Phil Hendrie, Rush Limbaugh...anything. I don't care. If it makes me think, then it keeps me from falling asleep, whether I agree or not. Nextliest, I have no fear whatsoever about listening to opinions that differ from my own. Freedom of speech and thought makes this country great; I'm entitled to think anything I want because they are, too. Hopefully, it's well-thought out, but even if it isn't, it's good exercise for me to wade through it to figure out where I think they have made an error, or if it's just prejudice on my part. There are a lot of other reasons, but probably the most important is that I can't live in a closet, surrounded by close friends who all happen to think the same way I do; if my beliefs are firm and grounded in logic and reality, then the next step is to learn about others' points of view. Know thine enemy, so to speak. Plus, I could be wrong.

And, as much as we hate to admit it, it's highly improbable that one particular person is always wrong on everything, all of the time. In much the same way that no one is always right all of the time, especially when it comes to opinions. I try to be open-minded, but I do insist that, as the saying goes, extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.

And I have no qualms at all admitting that I agree with some of these people on some points. Or with their ultimate judgement, even if I feel their reasoning process in arriving at that decision is flawed. And as imperfect as this world is, what's more important--the journey, or the destination? Sometimes you have to compromise, because you're not going to get both. On issues of Law, rights, politics, &c, I think most of the time the decision that will be enforced (or attempted) is more important than the journey to that decision. And perhaps they would say the same thing about me. After all, it's a free country.