Life is like a parking lot full of cat traps…

You never know what you are going to get.  

Ok, so it rained.  And once stupid me realised it was not just a mild drizzle that would pass, I went out to check the cat trap and maybe take it in for the night, since I do not want anyone hurt or soaking wet and cold overnight.  

Well, guess what I caught.

If you guessed a handsome gentleman whom I have never seen before who absolutely must have at least some Russian Blue in him, you guessed correctly.  I grew up with two Russian Blues (I would tell you their names, but I frequently use them for passwords ‘cos the odds of anyone guessing them are nil; I made both of the names up myself, and I was like, five.  So I am not stepping around their names ‘cos I didn’t love them), and I just adore them—they are magnificent friends.  Someone once—without knowing I had once had two—gave me a coffee mug with one on it, saying that the description on the mug sounded exactly like me.  :-)  I will take that as being nice.  

This was a dignified man who had pooped in the cat trap.  Pheew.  I am going to have to pay to have my car cleaned out, shampooed, and stuff.  I think that none dropped out, but…it is the principle of the thing.  

So we drove with the windows down, and Mr Handsome Cat was mostly still, probably because he was freezing his ass off.  I had the heat on, but I had to keep the windows down because otherwise, I would have fricking died.  

I took him to the 24-hr vet that Chrissy The Cat Rescue Lady had taken me to (and introduced me, so I could get her discount), and they only charged me $31 to neuter, and $5 for a rabies shot.  So he is there now. I do not know what else to do when I get him back tomorrow but put him back.  I cannot keep him, and I do not have anywhere for him to be put.  Chrissy or Judes cannot take him—they are full up, and I will not take him to Animal Services; they would just kill him if no one adopted him…and I cannot adopt him.  So I feel as if I am letting him down somehow, but I do not know what else to do.  

When we took him out of the trap, he went nuts and bit the tech…I felt horrible about that, but she said that she has been vaccinated against rabies.  I think I should get vaccinated, too.  Especially if I keep doing this sort of thing.  

I want to do something really nice for him before I put him back, though.  I want to give him some very good food that he will really like.  Maybe that will be nice enough.  I know that it really *isn’t* nice enough, but…I do not know what else to do.  I will get a big can of Science Diet’s kitten food for the extra protein and let him have that.  I do not know what else to do.  I hope he will be okay.  I will for sure wait until he is completely out of the anaesthesia before I put him back.

I feel so badly for him.  Tonight may be the first night he has not had to be out in the weather…I hope he is not scared.  I hope he gets a good night’s sleep.  I wish that I could do more.  I am really doing the best that I can.  I think.  If there is something else, I cannot think of what it is.  He is definitely wild, and I feel in my heart that it is true that if someone is let alone long enough, it may not be possible to reach them.  Or what someone would have to do to reach them is more than I am able to do, at least.  There is a critical period for getting through to someone, for the most part.  I mean, I have a break of sorts now…but once my break is over, I am back to having to constantly go and do.  Plus I have my own babies who need me.  I just wish that I could do more, because no one else will.  That is what is so sad.  And I wish I knew if cats like that felt unloved, or lonely.  I guess that they do not know about other cats like my three, who are spoilt something awful.  So I guess that they just accept it; when it is cold and wet, or hot and dry…they just accept it.  That has to be what happens.  I suppose they may wish for food or water when they need it and do not have it because they have the experience of having had it.  And similarly for wanting to be dry when they are wet.  But having not had a soft bed or someone to pet them, they probably cannot miss it.  That sort of ability—to construct idealised alternate experiences or states that parallel an existing reality without prior exposure and to then long for that experience—is something only the sort of wiring humans have can accomplish.  I hope.  Because I certainly wouldn’t wish it upon any other creature.  It is often a deficit, impediment, and source of misery; not an endowment.  

I am sorry, Mr Handsome Cat.  I will do my best to see that you are as okay as I can.  And I will think about you.  

So I am happy, but…kind of not at the same time.  It is because I am helping, but…kind of not at the same time.  

Sporkgirl:  Saving the world, one feline at a time.